"I'll be Home for Christmas" was playing as Bob Ryan, Ron Oetting, and Phil Baker walked into the elegant conference room Jil Adams had reserved for her planning meetings. O.U.T.R.A.G.E. cars had picked the "three musketeers" up at the Indianapolis airort and whisked them to 123 Illinois Street...an address as prestigious as, perhaps, any in Indiana's capitol city. Doormen smartly opened the cars' doors and greeted the rest of the AROB group with "Welcome to the Canterbury, gentlemen..." The Canterbury Hotel was the city's only one recognized by the Preferred Hotels & Resorts Worldwide, an snooty organization that looked down it nose at anything less than the very best accommodations. Opened in 1928 as the Lockerbie Hotel, this five-star historical site had been visited by Presidents, kings and queens, and royalty from around the world. Its European flavor added to its warmth and charm; its traditional staff of first-class hospitality professionals left nothing to chance. Everything was optimal...attendants attended to every detail. Ryan, Oetting and Baker were escorted to the lavishly-accoutremented conference room where Jil was waiting, dressed in a bright red mini skirt, smartly-styled mini-jacket, and wearing soft red accessories lined with pristine white fur. "Wow!" Oetting exclaimed to his two companions, "that's the sexiest Mrs. Claus I've ever seen! If I'm really good, do you think she'll let me sit on her lap?"
Ryan and Baker were unamused, as they stood speechless, in silent awe of the holiday setting that served as a backdrop for Jil's Christmas presence. To be sure, there were Christmas presents underneath a 12-ft. tall live evergreen decorated with huge pastel ornaments that seemed to 'float' around the tree instead of 'hang' in a stationery position. The huge balls gave the impression of glimmering as the subtle lighting in the room changed gradually and continually. As the holiday music wafted over the p.a. system, Baker's sensitive nose definitely detected a delicate blend of peppermint, cinnamon, chocolate and almond filling the huge room. The massive tree stood next to an ornate English fireplace in the far corner of the room, in front of which there were magical animated, 3-dimensional elfs warming their hands and feet in front of the roaring fire. As Bob, Ron and Phil moved closer, they realized the elfs were REAL PEOPLE, not animations at all! The center of the room was taken up by an enormous conference table made of solid walnut. Obviously a valuable antique, the giant table weighed 1,400 pounds and was one of the hotel's most priceless treasures, dating back to the days of King James, whose sanitized version of the Holy Scriptures still serves today as the pre-eminent Bible read by most Christians. In the opposite corner of the room stood a battery of attendants, behind tables burgeoning with cookies, cakes, candies, and exotic holiday snacks. Assuming a purposely seductive pose, Jil said, "Help yourselves, gentlemen..." Of course, that was the wrong thing to say to Phil, whose outreached arms darted directly for Jil. Before he could waddle close enough for bodily contact, Jil issued a stern warning: "Back off, Baker! I meant help yourself to the goodies..." That, of course, infused juvenile burblings from three old farts who never seemed to really grow up and act their age. "I MEAN..." Jil commanded, "help yourself to the food and snacks on the tables you see before your warped and demented eyeballs!"
The table to the right was stocked with every imagineable beer, wine and liquor, and there were three handsome bartenders ready to serve the libations. At the end of the table was an oversized sterling silver serving bowl filled with egg nog which had been sufficiently 'spiked' with Brinley's Gold Vanilla rum from St. Kitts. As Phil, Bob and Ron started sipping and nibbling, the rest of the invited guests arrived. Doc and his crew came in and headed directly for the tables of peppercorn sausages and venison. Lynn Patrick and Patrick Hamilton, of the famous Patrick-Patrick team, made a beeline for the beer. Lynne Tustison and her 'helpers' wanted to sample the egg nog (although Dana and Michelle seemed to more attracted to the three handsome bartenders). "Hot Donna" and husband Mike chipped away at humongous chocolate chip cookies which they dunked in over-sized glass tumblers filled with the sweetest white-chocolate milk one's tastebuds could imagine! After a reasonable "cocktail hour", Jil beckoned everyone to the massive conference table. "I know this is kind of last-minute," she said sombely, "but there's a special reason for trying to pull off this party with such short notice. Former Vice-President Al Gore, as you know, has been traveling around the world since last April 19, trying to win international support for the effort to reduce the impact of global warming. It's been a monumental effort, one that has been met with much resistance from many of the emerging new world cultures. Yesterday marked exactly eight months since Mr. Gore's mission began. We are pleased to report that the governments of China and India have agreed to join the effort. This is extremely significant, since China and India - second only to Russia and the United States - are major polluters of the Earth. After discussing it with Mr. Gore, and the Presidential Triumverate, we thought it would be appropriate to mark this extraordinaty occasion with an outstanding Christmas party that would celebrate two major events: the holiday homecoming of our troops, who - military commanders claim - will ALL be home in time for Christmas; and this new shared initiative toward trying to save the planet. I hope you'll all pitch in and help me put together this international commemoration. It's important, guys..." She directed a well-intentioned frown in the direction of Ryan, Oetting and Baker who were still savoring the delights of the egg nog.
From Indianapolis, Indiana would evolve - with some celerity - a plan to bring the world together like never before. There was one question that deserved some contemplation: would the Hindus and Muslims of the world join in what traditionally is a Christian holiday? As long as the secular side of the holiday took center stage - and the religious component was played down - Jil believed she could propogandize the world into an international celebration of goodwill, peace, environmental awareness, and global unity. "Good grief," muttered Bob Ryan to himself, "she's one tenacious