Exactly one year ago today I started writing this "Bushwacker!" blog. This is the 275th 'post', and - frankly - I don't know where or when the last chapter of this fictional social-political-comedic, amateurish, episodic epistle might be written. It has been a grand experiment for me; something that has given me a certain sense of personal accomplishment, broadened my horizons and helped me rage about what I consider to be a global society out of control.
So, as Chinese and American officials continue their dialogue at the Double B pig farm near Story City, Iowa, search-and-rescue teams continue to clean up the aftermath of mass bombings and exhaustive natural disasters, a new national organization attempts to revamp a monopolistic and heavily corrupted two-party American political system, I will take this opportunity to 'vent' and make note of things I personally don't grasp.
First of all, I want to thank all those people who have taken an interest in this project. Comments from friends that I share 'barstool space' with have often been my inspiration for the next daily chapter. Remarks from people around the world with whom I have only a remote and mysterious Internet connection have been appreciated, even the less-than complimentary observations. Quite frankly, I'm surprised the Secret Service hasn't come knocking on my door, threatening me with some kind of law enforcement action on the part of the "thought police", or telling me to 'cease and desist' or risk incarceration on some trumped-up charge of endangering the witless, wasted jackasses that supposedly manage this nation. Certainly I can think of several personal enemies who would love to get their revenge - their 'pound of flesh' - by reporting my sinister publishing activities to the authorities (Greg, Bill, Jayne or Bill quickly come to mind - but there are many others, I'm sure).
I fail to understand why more of us don't take an intense interest in our government and its unscrupulous leadership. If asked, most of us can confirm how many times Britney Spears has entered rehab; recite the 'stats' of our favorite sports star; recall the names of each one of the 'Desperate Housewives' and their mates; or garble on about the buxom beauty or stealthy stud we almost bedded last night. But, if the rare question were ever to be asked, few of us would know who our elected Congressional representatives are, and whether they are members of the House or the Senate. Most of us will flippantly respond with, "I don't care" or "It makes no difference".....yet we will perch ourselves on our lofty bar stools and bitch to high heaven about the laws, regulations, taxes and controls our so-called moronic 'leaders' have imposed on us all.
It's odd that the chapters of this blog that attract the most readership are the most juvenile, inconsequential, and dripping with sexual overtones. One acquaintance explained to me that "it's just human nature". But I wonder if our early American colonists who were involved in the fight of their lives trying to establish a new nation "under God" with "liberty and justice for all" were so preoccupied with the sensational? Is this a media phenomenon? Movie goers were shocked when Clark Gable uttered those immortal words on the screen: "Frankly, my dead, I don't give a damn." And from then on, every movie, book, or television program tried to 'up the ante' until - today - courts are actually investing valuable jurist minds and costly legal time to decide which expletives must remain deleted and which vulgarities can freely be pronounced over the airwaves!
Why do local municipalities squander valuable time and money to pass - and enforce - nonsensical legislation. We can smoke - but only if we're eight feet away from the entrance to a public building. Private and semi-private rooms in nursing homes, where many patients suffer from lung cancer or emphysema - are EXEMPT from many local smoking bans! And the politicians all smugly, pompously claim their concern is the public's health!! If cigarettes are such evil purveyors of public illnesses, why not BAN the manufacture, sale and distribution of cigarettes?? MIGHT it have something to do with the billions of dollars in tax revenues local, state and federal governments continue to steal from the manufacture, sale and distribution of these cancer sticks??
Seat belt laws are another area of my contention. Government officials are adamant about "saving lives" by forcing us all to wear a contraption that actually locks us into a one-ton mass of metal. I've had two very personal experiences: my mother was in an auto accident where she wasn't wearing a seat belt. Fortunately, the impact of the crash threw her into the driver's compartment of the car; she still broke every bone in her body below her waist, and doctors initially predicted she would never walk again. Accident investigators at the scene admitted that - had my mother been wearing a seat belt - she would have been killed. In May, 1984, my sister was driving while her husband slept. She was wearing a seat belt; he wasn't When her car swerved to avoid a dead animal in the roadway, she lost control and her car tumbled down a steep embankement. Her husband was thrown free as the car was tossed around like a rag doll. My sister, because she was locked in place by a seat belt, was unable to be thrown free. As the car rolled to a stop, its roof caved in, crushing my sister to death. "Oh," police respond, "but statistics show that seat belts save lives!" Police run "click it or ticket" campaigns with federally-provided 'grants' and we're told they issue tickets to "save lives" - when we all know they issue tickets to enhance government coffers.
And - the 'granddaddy' of all idiotic seat belt regulations: if you drive a car, an SUV, a pick-up truck or virtually any other kind of vehicle, you are required by law to 'buckle up' (to protect your life). But, in most states, the SCHOOL BUS your child rides is not required to have seatbelts! So, if a school bus rolls down an embankment, your kids get tossed around like popcorn kernels in a microwaveable bag - and if they die, politicians will say, "Well, it would be too costly to expect school districts to equip their buses with seat belts." The horror..............
It frustrates me that a "sixty-something" healthy person who wants to work can't find a job because (s)he's considered "too old" or "overqualified" while younger ne'er-do-wells are able to sit on their fat asses and collect a government check for doing nothing.
It makes no sense to me that farmers are paid to grow nothing on their rich, fertile land. As one farmer said, "I used to not grown corn, but I found out the government pays more if you don't grow soybeans. So now I don't grow soybeans!" What kind of stupidity is this?? And why does the majority of all these billions of dollars in subsidies go to giant diversified agricultural corporations who reap billions of dollars in profits, instead of small independent farmers who struggle to make ends meet?
Anyway, readers, you get my point. The oddities and inconsistencies of government has created a bloated bureaucracy that pays no attention to common sense. Like my Congressman Mark Sauder once told me, "There are so many laws today - if you obey one law, you're probably breaking three or four other laws." I thought this was one of the truest statements I'd ever heard from the mouth of a career politician (a politician, by the way, who promised to limit his terms in Congress, and then reneged on that promise once he became accustomed to the plush, cushy lifestyles our politicians give themselves).
By the end of today - Wednesday, January 7, 2009 - the Chinese visitors to the Bakers' pig farm will be on their way back to China. The lime-green O.U.T.R.A.G.E. buses will be back on the road to destinations unknown, preparing Americans for the swearing-in of a brand new group of public officials in thirteen days. The AROB group will continue its 'party parade' of special events and recognitions designed to motivate the nation. The Patrick-Patrick team will keep its focus on a mission to legalize drugs. "Doc" will still be roaming the countryside seeking legalization for gaming devices and voluntary smoking bans as part of a free enterprise system. "Hot Donna" and Mike will still be running Phil and Janie's pig farm with able assistance from Bobby and Lovey, Boo and Jo, and Bobby. Lynn, Michelle, Connie, Suzan, Cathy, Sally and a whole bunch of other barflys from Jil's flagship establishment will all continue doing their shares. And the world as it is fantasized about in this "Bushwacker!" blog will keep spinning without direction or - as the book reviewers would say -
So, as Chinese and American officials continue their dialogue at the Double B pig farm near Story City, Iowa, search-and-rescue teams continue to clean up the aftermath of mass bombings and exhaustive natural disasters, a new national organization attempts to revamp a monopolistic and heavily corrupted two-party American political system, I will take this opportunity to 'vent' and make note of things I personally don't grasp.
First of all, I want to thank all those people who have taken an interest in this project. Comments from friends that I share 'barstool space' with have often been my inspiration for the next daily chapter. Remarks from people around the world with whom I have only a remote and mysterious Internet connection have been appreciated, even the less-than complimentary observations. Quite frankly, I'm surprised the Secret Service hasn't come knocking on my door, threatening me with some kind of law enforcement action on the part of the "thought police", or telling me to 'cease and desist' or risk incarceration on some trumped-up charge of endangering the witless, wasted jackasses that supposedly manage this nation. Certainly I can think of several personal enemies who would love to get their revenge - their 'pound of flesh' - by reporting my sinister publishing activities to the authorities (Greg, Bill, Jayne or Bill quickly come to mind - but there are many others, I'm sure).
I fail to understand why more of us don't take an intense interest in our government and its unscrupulous leadership. If asked, most of us can confirm how many times Britney Spears has entered rehab; recite the 'stats' of our favorite sports star; recall the names of each one of the 'Desperate Housewives' and their mates; or garble on about the buxom beauty or stealthy stud we almost bedded last night. But, if the rare question were ever to be asked, few of us would know who our elected Congressional representatives are, and whether they are members of the House or the Senate. Most of us will flippantly respond with, "I don't care" or "It makes no difference".....yet we will perch ourselves on our lofty bar stools and bitch to high heaven about the laws, regulations, taxes and controls our so-called moronic 'leaders' have imposed on us all.
It's odd that the chapters of this blog that attract the most readership are the most juvenile, inconsequential, and dripping with sexual overtones. One acquaintance explained to me that "it's just human nature". But I wonder if our early American colonists who were involved in the fight of their lives trying to establish a new nation "under God" with "liberty and justice for all" were so preoccupied with the sensational? Is this a media phenomenon? Movie goers were shocked when Clark Gable uttered those immortal words on the screen: "Frankly, my dead, I don't give a damn." And from then on, every movie, book, or television program tried to 'up the ante' until - today - courts are actually investing valuable jurist minds and costly legal time to decide which expletives must remain deleted and which vulgarities can freely be pronounced over the airwaves!
Why do local municipalities squander valuable time and money to pass - and enforce - nonsensical legislation. We can smoke - but only if we're eight feet away from the entrance to a public building. Private and semi-private rooms in nursing homes, where many patients suffer from lung cancer or emphysema - are EXEMPT from many local smoking bans! And the politicians all smugly, pompously claim their concern is the public's health!! If cigarettes are such evil purveyors of public illnesses, why not BAN the manufacture, sale and distribution of cigarettes?? MIGHT it have something to do with the billions of dollars in tax revenues local, state and federal governments continue to steal from the manufacture, sale and distribution of these cancer sticks??
Seat belt laws are another area of my contention. Government officials are adamant about "saving lives" by forcing us all to wear a contraption that actually locks us into a one-ton mass of metal. I've had two very personal experiences: my mother was in an auto accident where she wasn't wearing a seat belt. Fortunately, the impact of the crash threw her into the driver's compartment of the car; she still broke every bone in her body below her waist, and doctors initially predicted she would never walk again. Accident investigators at the scene admitted that - had my mother been wearing a seat belt - she would have been killed. In May, 1984, my sister was driving while her husband slept. She was wearing a seat belt; he wasn't When her car swerved to avoid a dead animal in the roadway, she lost control and her car tumbled down a steep embankement. Her husband was thrown free as the car was tossed around like a rag doll. My sister, because she was locked in place by a seat belt, was unable to be thrown free. As the car rolled to a stop, its roof caved in, crushing my sister to death. "Oh," police respond, "but statistics show that seat belts save lives!" Police run "click it or ticket" campaigns with federally-provided 'grants' and we're told they issue tickets to "save lives" - when we all know they issue tickets to enhance government coffers.
And - the 'granddaddy' of all idiotic seat belt regulations: if you drive a car, an SUV, a pick-up truck or virtually any other kind of vehicle, you are required by law to 'buckle up' (to protect your life). But, in most states, the SCHOOL BUS your child rides is not required to have seatbelts! So, if a school bus rolls down an embankment, your kids get tossed around like popcorn kernels in a microwaveable bag - and if they die, politicians will say, "Well, it would be too costly to expect school districts to equip their buses with seat belts." The horror..............
It frustrates me that a "sixty-something" healthy person who wants to work can't find a job because (s)he's considered "too old" or "overqualified" while younger ne'er-do-wells are able to sit on their fat asses and collect a government check for doing nothing.
It makes no sense to me that farmers are paid to grow nothing on their rich, fertile land. As one farmer said, "I used to not grown corn, but I found out the government pays more if you don't grow soybeans. So now I don't grow soybeans!" What kind of stupidity is this?? And why does the majority of all these billions of dollars in subsidies go to giant diversified agricultural corporations who reap billions of dollars in profits, instead of small independent farmers who struggle to make ends meet?
Anyway, readers, you get my point. The oddities and inconsistencies of government has created a bloated bureaucracy that pays no attention to common sense. Like my Congressman Mark Sauder once told me, "There are so many laws today - if you obey one law, you're probably breaking three or four other laws." I thought this was one of the truest statements I'd ever heard from the mouth of a career politician (a politician, by the way, who promised to limit his terms in Congress, and then reneged on that promise once he became accustomed to the plush, cushy lifestyles our politicians give themselves).
By the end of today - Wednesday, January 7, 2009 - the Chinese visitors to the Bakers' pig farm will be on their way back to China. The lime-green O.U.T.R.A.G.E. buses will be back on the road to destinations unknown, preparing Americans for the swearing-in of a brand new group of public officials in thirteen days. The AROB group will continue its 'party parade' of special events and recognitions designed to motivate the nation. The Patrick-Patrick team will keep its focus on a mission to legalize drugs. "Doc" will still be roaming the countryside seeking legalization for gaming devices and voluntary smoking bans as part of a free enterprise system. "Hot Donna" and Mike will still be running Phil and Janie's pig farm with able assistance from Bobby and Lovey, Boo and Jo, and Bobby. Lynn, Michelle, Connie, Suzan, Cathy, Sally and a whole bunch of other barflys from Jil's flagship establishment will all continue doing their shares. And the world as it is fantasized about in this "Bushwacker!" blog will keep spinning without direction or - as the book reviewers would say -
posted by Bushwacker! at 7:39 AM
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