As the newly-elected Congress continued informal conversations and planning sessions, O.U.T.R.A.G.E. hellraisers continued unceremonious drinking and chugging contests. Standed by a Midwest snowstorm, Jil's bar in northeastern Indiana was filled with revelry. Music. booze, dancing and debauchery were the decampment of the day. By early Saturday morning, most of the party had pooped out.
Mike and "Hot" Donna had encouraged those who couldn't find chair or barstools to use the stage as a 'crashing ground'. Piled in lumps of human mass, it was difficult to ascertain whose body parts belonged to whom. Arms, legs, and other assorted bodily apendages entangled each other in a grotesque pyramid of human flesh. Donna's head was on Mike's chest; Mike's head was propped up against one of the massive speakers. Doc, in his inevitable pranksterism, turned on the speaker and cranked it up full blast. "Mike! Get up! Donna's here!" Mike's ten-foot jump into mid-air from a sitting position was a sight to see. Donna's head bobbed off his chest and clunked on the floor of the stage, starting a chain reaction of drunken human movement comparable to a nest of boa constrictors trying to uncouple themselves. Donna's feet conked Bobby Boyles in the shins, who kicked Lovey in the head, whose arm stiffly swung over Dana's face, whose left arm butted her Navy seaman in the eye, who woke up abruptly yelling, "Man Overboard!!" and kicked Bobby Cowles in the stomach, whose glasses fell off and landed on Janie Baker's boobs, who shoved her legs into Phil Baker's groin, who grunted and slurred, "How 'bout one more Crim Jean onna Cocks?"
By 11:00 a.m. Saturday, Doc was fixing a hearty breakfast to those who were slowly recovering from the night before. As they didn't all 'rise and shine' at one time, Doc was able to keep ahead of the hungry crowd. Eggs, sausage patties, hash browns, biscuits and gravy, creamed chipped beef on toast, generous slices of ham, grits, and Cream of Wheat just kept coming out of that tiny little kitchen like bees from a busy hive. By noon, almost everyone was awake, but - oddly - no one felt like drinking. Bob Ryan pushed the bar's front door open with a struggle; the blizzard had blockaded the door. As he rammed his shoulder against the door, he finally managed to open it enough to peek outside. No snow was falling, but the wind was still howling like a horny banshee in heat. "Hey, look, everybody!" Bob exclaimed brightly, "there's no more snow fallin....." Before he could finish his remark, a block of snow the size of a refrigerator fell from above the door, burying Bob in a pure white tomb of bitter cold. It "started a joke, that started the whole world laughing..." as a dozen people crawled to Bob's rescue, trying to dig him out before he suffocated in the avalanche. Wet and chilled to the bone, Bob lumbered back into the bar and ordered "coffee with a good-sized shot of Irish Creme". Phil, hardly able to contain his laughter, giggled, grunted, farted and snorted as his belly shook "like a bowl full of jelly" and he ordered, "I'll have an Irish Creme with a good-sized shot of coffee!"
Promptly, all the rescuers ordered the same hot libation as the rest of the stragglers woke up and seated themselves at the tables, all of which had been haphazardly moved around during last night's festivities.
"Since we're all a little hungover," Jil announced, "maybe we should use this time to do something constructive. It looks like it's going to be a while before snowplows get down the street, so we're pretty much stranded here. I'd like to start planning a Presidents' Day party for mid-February so that everyone in America can honor our greatest U.S. Presidents!" Amidst groans and moans, everyone finally agreed it would probably be a good idea. Usually, Jil's parties were planned impromptu with only a matter of days - or hours - to put something together. It might be nice to actually start making plans a month in advance.
"OK, Jilli," Lynnette remarked as she crawled out from underneath a blanket of coats, "you've got our undivided attention."
From the other end of the pile of warm winter clothing, Lynn's 'army buddy' stuck out his head. "Hi" was all he had to say.
Jil quickly organized a 'round table' and invited this hovel of hungover hoo-hahs to "get to work".
Work progressed well into late afternoon. Then, Phil looked at the clock and screamed, "Hey, everybody! It's five o'clock! Can you say 'Happy Hour'??" Without further adu, the work session was adjourned and everybody headed for the bar. Boo and Suzan started pouring drinks and popping open beers as fast as they could. As Jil looked on with a frown of disappointment, her mood suddenly changed. She'd resigned herself to that old adage: "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!". The party had kick-started itself all over again. By 9:00 p.m. no one had noticed that it had been snowing again for the past

The northern half of the United States found itself stifled by a sudden blizzard and cold wave on Friday, January 23, 2009. Most of the O.U.T.R.A.G.E. volunteers who'd helped set up for Inauguration Day in Washington D.C. were now back home. A large contingent, however, had made a 'pit stop' at Jil Adams' flagship bar in northeast Indiana before heading back to 'parts unknown'. Phil and Janie Baker, along with most of the Double B Pig Farm supervisory staff, were halfway back to Iowa when the snowstorm blanketed northern Indiana and made travel impossible. So, of course, the only reasonable thing to do was 'hunker down' and wait it out. Weather forecasters were predicting at least a three-day onslaught of high winds, freezing temperatures, and heavy snow. Through all those bizarre blizzard conditions, the O.U.T.R.A.G.E. crowd managed to make it to the bar without incident.
Since most businesses were officially shut down by the severe storm, this gang of revelers had Jil's bar all to themselves for a three-day weekend of drinking, dancing and debauchery - a seemingly fitting reward the what they'd all accomplished in the past few days. Bobby Cowles had called the farm hands, who reported that things were operating normally at the pig farm, despite drifting snow and howling winds. Mike and Donna Osborn checked in with their staff and got the same blase' reaction: "no need to hurry back; things are under control". Boo and Jo Warren, Bobby and Lovey Boyles and the rest of the group were ready to party! The AROB group (Jil Adams; Bob Ryan; Ron Oetting and Phil Baker) was, as usual, prepared to stay 'for the duration'. "Hammy" was there already stoked up and starting to party. Doc's lime-green O.U.T.R.A.G.E. motorhome managed to get through snow-blocked highways just in time for the festivities. Lynette, Michelle, Kathy, Connie, Suzan, Lynn and Jil's other friends were already there. Cher, Dee, Janie, Chris and Hooter were all there. Bottles were broken open, beer tops were popped, the ice machine was working overtime, and Jil jump-started the jukebox. Doc got stuck back in the kitchen preparing piles of pancakes, sausages, hamburgers, chicken wings and red-hot ribs. "Hey!" he bellowed to no one in particular, "I could use some help back here!" Bobby Cowles immediately volunteered to be Doc's grill assistant. Christine and John managed to arrive about 9:00 Friday night with her thirty-five 'working girls' in tow; how they managed to get there was anybody's guess. All thirty-seven of them had been dropped off by a fleet of taxicabs; to a man, every cab driver seemed to have a subdued, smirky smile on his face. It could be reasonably assumed that no cash had been transferred in payment for the treacherous trek to the bar. Like postal carriers, cab drivers are dedicated to their duty through rain, snow, sleet or hail; nothing kept these cabbies from their appointed rounds, not even the blowing snow.....and something told Jil that it wasn't just the snow that had been blown.
"As the party progressed, everybody was feeling merry....then Mary left.....so they jumped for Joy!" It was one of Ron Oetting's most tired-and-weary jokes, one that he'd been telling before he'd been old enough to even understand it. By 11:00 Friday night, Donna was singing, "And I'm Proud to be an American" - while the jukebox played "The Rose" - - and Mike was sitting at the bar in a state of somber stupefaction. Phil was ordering more "Jim Ream on the Bocks", Janie was 'dancing' with Bobby Boyles (actually, to be politically correct, they were hanging on, trying to hold each other upright). Cher was trying not to laugh as she kept pulling Bob's face out of a vat of beer (when Bob complained about the small pitchers, Doc slammed a punch bowl down in front of him and poured twelve pitchers of beer into it. "Here," Doc barked, "try swimming in this!" Bob, of course, tried, only to almost drown everytime he 'Bobbed for beer'). Lynn had somehow, somewhere, latched on to her long-lost 'military man' and brought him along to the party. By midnight, they'd managed to snuggle under the shuffleboard court, complaining that there was sand in their drinks. Ron was acting like a buffoon, as is usual when he drinks too much, making unwarranted sexist remarks to girls who simply leered and felt sorry for such a pathetic, harmless old drunk. Harold, Hooter and Hummer had quietly stashed themselves in the corner, content to pretend like they knew exactly which card game they were playing. Sally was talking to Lovey at the bar, while Dana looked on, hoping to strike up a conversation with some good-looking dude she'd never seen before, wearing Navy "blues" and sipping a Dewars on the rocks. Christine and John sat at the bar trying to keep "the girls" from "giving it all away". As long as they're here, Christine reasoned, they might as well make a few hundred bucks. "Hammy" was huddled in a corner with Dee, passing out "some of the best shit I've ever smoked in my life!" to anyone willing to go for the gaunchy. Jil was, typically, in her "party machine mode" as she mingled with everyone and saw to it that they were sufficiently imbibed. Pam was pouring down little pink drinks. Boo sat in a stupor, unsure of anything going on around him. Jo had just scored 1,507,656 points on "Word DoJo" - and as she got up to announce her record-breaking accomplishment, she spilled her drink on Phil, who quickly lapped it up before it evaporated on his new blue-and-white Colts sweater. He then asked for another "Jrim Breem onna' Crocks" as his eyes glazed over and his head hit the bar with a distinctive 'thud'. It was becoming a Sturm-and-Dang kind of tumultuous unrest.....and it was only Friday night! Who the hell knew what Saturday and Sunday might bring?

Desperate to adapt and survive, countless animal species adopt a 'swarm theory' that protects them from predators, guides them to food or water, and communicates within their community. In its July, 2007 edition, National Geographic magazine presented a splendid spread of photos and articulate text by staff writer Peter Miller, suggesting that ants, bees, birds, fish, wildebeasts, and caribou might have something to teach us about coping with the complexities of everyday life. Miller's article demonstrated how "even with half a million ants. a colony functions just fine with no management at all". Miller's article went on to show how wildebeasts "may be able to follow a migration route even if only a few of them know the way. Never mind that the 'informed' animals aren't trying to lead....the rest follow anyway..."
O.U.T.R.A.G.E. economists, social engineers, psychologists, clergy, and political analysts had used Miller's piece as a defining strategy in trying to create a workable theory of "Equilateralism". From its very roots, the O.U.T.R.A.G.E. organization itself had resisted formal structure, citing such hierarchy as one of society's most problematic issues. Leadership should come from the communal environment, not from some appointed potentate who calls himself "chief", "President", "boss", "Numero Uno", or "the grand puba". Miller's article showed how a colony of 50,000 worker bees routinely evolves and finds ways to work through individual differences of opinion to do what's best for the hive.
"Because each individual is paying close attention to its neighbors, news travels fast through a school of bigeye jack near Cocos Island in the Pacific. The fish follow simple rules that keep the group alert: stick together, avoid collisions, and swim in the same direction." Biologists had shown that when a hoard of locusts 'gets too crowded, they will suddenly align themselves and march in the same direction..." - all without a 'leader' to tell them what to do or how to do it. Surely, if animals, insects, fish and birds could find ways to equalize their societies and live harmoniously for the preservation of their species, so could mankind.
Could such social strategies be utilized to transform the human condition?
Obvious arguments could - and would - pursue. Man, after all, has the intelligence to develop free enterprise, to establish political and corporate echelons, to 'earn his own keep' without being dependent on the tribe, to build his own future. Man isn't subservient to the rest of his species; he has the ability to take care of himself. Survival of the fittest, which - some would be sure to point out - also exists within the animal world. "Look out for Number 1 - the hell with anybody else." That monocratic motto was no where more prevalent anywhere than it had been in the United States of America as corporate raiders devised hostile takeovers of competitors and political power brokers bent rules for their own benefit.
Newly elected members of Congress had new laws to put on - and old laws to remove from - "the books". As the legal matters were addressed, so would social, moral and ethical issues be considered. Without pressure or lobbying tactics, O.U.T.R.A.G.E. volunteers needed to help the new Congress adapt to the concept of 'Equilateralism'. They would use articles such as Peter Miller's to showcase their theories.

There was lots to do, and the new Congress wasted no time. Since the Capitol Building was demolished, the 535 members met in the grand ballroom of one of the few structures still standing in Washington, DC: the J.W. Marriott Hotel. That facility could easily accommodate groups of 1,000 people or more, and this would serve as the interim meeting place for an indefinite period of time. These new members of Congress needed time to get to know one another, familiarize themselves with procedure, and settle in to their new positions. So, the first few days would be spent in informal conversation and discussions. To be sure, there was lots to talk about.
Of notable priority, of course, was the twenty-five resolutions that would have to be put forth as public referendums, voted on by the people, and then implemented into law by the new Congress. Accompanying the new Presidential Triumverate to D.C. had been a plane full of O.U.T.R.A.G.E. advisors, economists, political consultants, government ambassadors, social philosophers, diplomats, and former government policymakers. Among them was a Philosopher of Science, Ervin Laszlo, who came prepared to speak to this new body politic. He was introduced by Barack Obama, and was the first individual speaker to address the new Congress. Founder of the Influential Club of Budapest, an international organization of artists and scholars, Laszlo laid it on the line directly: "What this world need now," is began, "is YOU! Science won't change the world...people will. We don't need changes in science or politics. We need changes in human attitudes. The same technologies based on the same scientific discoveries can be misused - as they often are - or, they can be used to make things better. With a hammer, for example, you can build a shelter - or you can kill a person. More and more people are starting to live differently and change their priorities. They experience the miracle of life instead of fighting for survival, wealth and power. It's a choice we all can make...and with enough of these right choices, we can change the world." Laszlo had been preaching this 'gospel' for decades, too often on deaf ears. But, after the events of January 17, 2008, and the aftermath of multiple natural disasters in the United States, Americans were perhaps more willing to listen to the sermon than anyone else in the world.
As the United States reformed its political arena, it would also find it necessary to refine its social agendas and rebuild its internal environments. Such a monumental task, Laszlo argued, would require a whole new kind of political leadership, an extraordinary commitment to social change, and intense attention to ecological issues.
As American cities started to rebuild, there would be ample opportunity to instigate new ideas. Everything from sophisticated energy renewal projects to basic recycling programs. The use of wind and water could replace America's addictions to oil and coal. New Delhi, India, for example, had an archaic water system that couldn't supply the demand, especially as residents drilled almost a quarter-million wells from which to extract drinking water. Now, a series of pipes channel rainwater from rooftops. The water trickles into underground storage tanks and replenishes natural aquifers far below the surface. A A 1,000-square-foot roof can 'harvest' up to 13,000 gallons of fresh water in a year! It's those kinds of simple, innovative ideas American restorators needed to investigate, Laszlo instructed.
Instead of petroleum - or even ethanol - to fuel automobiles, switchgrass or hemp could be grown to provide higher yields of biodiesel fuels. Corn, which American industry seemed to be basing its future energy needs on, actually only produced about 350 gallons of ethanol per acre. An acre of switchgrass or hemp would yield over 1000 gallons of biodiesel per acre!
Americans would have to "get over" its resistant to growing such renewable, sustainable crops as hemp, which had for a long time been avoided because of the stigma even the word brought to more U.S. citizens. Hemp was not just used for making illegal drugs; hemp was a bountiful, gregarious crop that had a broad range of uses.
The American concept of money and profit was going to have to change dramatically as well. No monetary system functions successfully when it ignores more than half the population. For a relatively modest few "at the top" of the food chain to hold most of the money while hundreds of millions have access to far less is not only incredibly selfish, it is an illogical and dysfunctional fiscal management system. Current monetary systems creates monopoly that promotes scarcity and limits the number of choices many people have for their own personal, social or community development.
All of these things, and more, would have to be addressed if this 'Rebellion of '08' was going to change America. Members of Congress listened intently, wondering if they were really going to be able to affect such

Tuesday, January 20, 2009: Inauguration Day. By 6:00 a.m., Jil and her crew of able-bodied O.U.T.R.A.G.E. volunteers were up and working. The O.U.T.R.A.G.E. camera crews were already in position on this cold, blustery morning in what used to be the nation's capital. Tom Chandler, Hooter, and Mike Osborn were confounded trying to hang a massive American flag that would be used as the backdrop for the inauguration ceremonies. "Hammy' and Dee (!!) showed up to help, freely distributing what Hammy called "primo gaunchey", claiming it would keep them warm while they worked. Yeah.....then Phil showed up with an urn that everyone expected was coffee. Yeah, right.....he'd been up all night concocting a special brew of hot-toddies that he claimed would keep them warm while they worked.
Somehow the work still got done. And as the new Presidential Triumverate and all the newly-elected members of Congress, assembled in front of the demolished Capitol Building, the swearing-in ceremonies took place with a unique blend of dignity, and informality. This was not the typical pomp-and-circumstance usually associated with such proceedings. There was no 'special seating' for prominent dignitaries or powerful and influential snoots. A small crowd had gathered (without any gold-encrusted invitations) to observe, but most Americans chose to stay home and watch it on television. Colin Powell spoke first:
"Three days ago," he began, "we honored all of those who died on January 17, 2008. Today, we honor all those who will be sworn in to give birth to a new, refreshed national society. As Thomas Jefferson once said, 'The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants'. Our country had been on the edge of disaster for years, and no one did anything about it. We all simply plodded along, content with our materialistic lives and distracted from the larceny that had overtaken our nation. While I was deeply offended by the murderous actions O.U.T.R.A.G.E. had taken, I was also compassionate to its cause. The devious skulduggery and unscrupulous conduct of our public officials had combined with the overt avarice of the corporate world and the lusty audacity of a vulgar society that culminated in a cesspool of national corruption and obsessiveness with all things decadent, gladsome, and material. This nation lost its spirit, and - with that - also lost its spiritualism. We mired ourselves in a quicksand of greed. O.U.T.R.A.G.E. became the colonial revolutionists of our modern times, picked up the gauntlet, and took upon itself the Constitutional right of our people to keep and bear arms against a tyrannical and oppressive government. Today, as we stand before you here amidst the ruins of our U.S. Capitol Building, we will pledge a solemn oath of personal poverty; abject and absolute commitment to the well-being of all Americans instead of a fortunate few; and the reform and rebirth of this great nation into a sovereign state of happiness, equality, contentment, peace, providence and harmony for all."
George W. Bush and Dick Cheney, perhaps the two most insane and insalubrious leaders in United States history, had been among the very first to be assassinated by O.U.T.R.A.G.E. cell phone-detonated bombs. Members of Congress, 'big business' corporate executives, outlandish movie stars, wretched media goons, greedy industrialists and elitists, grotesque celebrities, frivilous sports figures, self-absorbed bureaucrats, and the idle rich who believed their privilege allowed them to use the world as their playground - all had been killed.
The public officials who had been elected on November 4, 2008 were installed as America's new class of public servants.
As the Chinese watched.
And the Russians watched.
And the North Koreans watched.
And the Iraqis watched.
And the Iranians watched.
And the Europeans watched.
And the Scandanavians watched.
And the Australians watched.
And the rest of the world watched.
What would happen next.....??
And the American people watched.

www.associatedcontent.com/joedimeck
Author Joe Dimeck wrote an intriguing essay entitled, "The Petty States of America: Green Lawns to Brown Lawns". His snappy writing style crystalized the downfall of American society, as he penned, "You know things aren't so bad when most of the people in your neighborhood are worried about the quality of their grass.......Bad news lives on a street lined with brown yards......Pettiness is as prevalent as McDonald's and celebrity gossip......Ongoing educationn and learning, as well as shrinking the gap between the rich and the poor should be at the top of our to-do list. Ironically, both are slipping further and further down the list, bound to be lost causes in coming decades. In a life where we are guaranteed only the churlish certainty of death, we should spend more time doing as much as we can and absorbing as much information as possible. And the absorption of excess amounts of knowledge should not be limited to people with fat bank accounts and trust funds. The true path to a utopian and chaos-free society is through the pursuit of knowledge, not material items."
Dimeck nailed it!
Americans worried about the shade of green in their front yard; or Britney Spears' love life; or the 'performance' of that 'hot stock' our broker recommended; or the football hero who scored the winning touchdown in yesterday's big game; or whether tonight's episode of "Desperate Housewives" would be a rerun.
We'd been reduced to caring more about trivial matters than the important stuff that really matters.
People no longer cared about the politicians whom they elected to conduct the nation's business; and, conversely, politicians no longer cared about doing the people's bidding. City, county, state, and federal governments had abandoned the people because the people had abandoned those very institutions purportedly assigned to serve them. 'War' was just another epic television event played out on the network news, no different than watching "Saving Private Ryan" or "Apocalypse Now" in the calloused comfort of your own home. Busily engaged in the triviality and froth of their own shallow lives, America's no longer concerned themselves with matters of politics and government, no longer bothered to look after their fellow man, and pretty much avoided all contact with the sick, aged, dying, disabled, poor, disadvantaged, hungry, underprivileged, or homeless.
Let the nurses and social workers take care of those folks; it's not our job to watch 'em.
Oh, to be sure, we assuaged our conscience by sending a check once a year, but God forbid we actually roll up our sleeves and 'get involved' in such menial onus. Let someone handle that burden; we're 'busy' blackening the tires on the Mercedes.
It all came down to a matter of inequality.
If we enjoyed status in our community as a business leader or prominent citizen, our position and influence kept us from having to do the 'dirty work' of helping others. All we had to do was speak up and 'suggest' so-and-so needed help, and the church ladies or service clubs would do our bidding.
If we had enough money, it allowed us to simply write a check instead of actually working at the Kiwanis club's pancake breakfast benefit for the little girl dying of leukemia. Even though we knew her family, our contribution saved us the trouble of going to visit her in the hospital and contributing one tiny smile to her otherwise dismal day. The check wasn't really for the sick little girl; it was for us - to make us feel better about ourselves.
In New York City, a common, everyday sight was watching a bigshot executive get out of his limousine and walk right past a homeless beggar sprawled on the sidewalk. If the big shot had just received a blow job from his morning mistress, he might be in a generous enough mood to have his chauffeur throw the bum a few bucks. Otherwise, the poor slob could starve, as far as Mr. Big Bucks was concerned.
Everything was a matter of the inequality of our social status, our position within the community, our wealth, our health, or our personal level of exigence. The chronic alcoholic needed more help than those of us who sipped on chocolate martinis at the 'club'. There was no equal treatment between a poor black kid who stabbed a threatening gang member and a rich black athlete who stabbed his ex-wife and her young male friend. "Equilateralism" seemed to be the perfect solution to all this imbalance in America's society......or was it??
Those huddled in O.U.T.R.A.G.E. think tanks muddled over the viability of such a social doctrine.
Meanwhile, tomorrow was Tuesday, January 20, 2009. All of the new candidates would be inaugurated in front of the rubble that used to be the Capitol Building. Jil Adams, Bob Ryan, Ron Oetting, and Phil Baker (the AROB group) were already in the bombed-out, hurricane-stricken city of Washington, DC making all the arrangements. The flight to D.C. also included two planes full of O.U.T.R.A.G.E. volunteers: Mike and Donna; Bobby and Lovey; Boo and Jo; Connie and Chris; Sally and Ryan; Doc; 'Hammy'; Lynn; Michelle; Dana; Lynette; Kathy; Hooter - and even Bobby Cowles - had all come along to help set up for the swearing-in ceremonies. This really wasn't all that big of a project, but it was an historical event that many O.U.T.R.A.G.E. volunteers wanted to participate in; so all the troubadours trotted into town. 'Hammy' brought gaunchy; Phil brought an abundance of bourbon; Bob brought the beer; and Ron filled the cargo compartment of one O.U.T.R.A.G.E. executive jet with Captain Morgan, vodka, lime juice and soft drinks.

The National Day of Memorial and Mourning was a profound success as an international audience honored those who had died in the 'Rebellion of '08' on January 17, 2008. Now, a year later, the O.U.T.R.A.G.E. volunteers were wrestling with ways to change the American philosophy and culture - from one of selfishness and greed to a refreshed genre of generosity and goodness. John McCain had coined "Equilateralism" as new term to describe America's reform. But it was important that this became more than just a 'buzzword' - there had to be a depth of intense commitment behind it that Americans could, and would, embrace.
Around the globe, there were examples of socialistic, communistic, capitalistic and democratic societies, all of which had seen specific degrees of success or failure. The United States itself had been perhaps the most successful example of a capitalistic democratic republic in this history of the modern world. But there were two small nations that enjoyed unique and civilized community that had proven to be effective means of calm and consistent governance.
On the northern coast of Borneo in southeast Asia is the tiny country of Burnei. After gaining its independence from the U.K. on January 1, 1984, this small nation became a Constitutional Sultanate government wherein the government provides all medical care, and subsidizes the costs of food and housing for its citizens. Officially designated as Negara Brunei Darussalam, the country's natural resources include petroleum, natural gas and timber. Petroleum exports account for 50% of the gross domestic product (GDP), which is estimated at an annual $9000 per capita, among the highest in the third world. About 275,000 Bruneians make up the population, comprised of 63% Muslims and 14% Buddhists. Malay is the country's official language, but English and some Chinese dialects are also spoken with fluency.
On the southeast slope of the Himalayas lies a country half the size of Indiana known as the Kingdom of Bhutan. In 1960 the monarchy abolished slavery and the caste system, and emancipated women. Thirty-eight years later, King Jigme Singye Wangchuck curtailed his absolute monarchy and published a draft that proposed shifting the country to a two-party democracy. In 2006, the king relinquished his throne to his son, Crown Prince Jigme Kheshar Mangyal Wangchuck. The draft to transform the country into a democracy has yet to be ratified after ten years. Still, the nation's 750,000 residents enjoy a gross annual income of $1400 per capita. 75% of the citizens are Buddhists; 25% of Hindus, and most speak the official Dzongkha language. There is some Nepalese and Tibetan dialects also spoken. The country's natural resources include timber, hydropower, gypsum and calcium carbide, much of which is exported to India, along with spices, handicrafts, fruit, cement, and precious stones. Unique to this tiny country is the inherent philosophy that "Gross National Happiness" is more important than "Gross National Product", making it consistently one of the "happiest" places on Earth as measured by many international organizations and publications.
O.U.T.R.A.G.E. researchers were giving serious consideration to these two nations. Could such simplistic philosophies be enmeshed in a society with three hundred times the population? Could 'gross national happiness" replace the American madness for making money and piling up wealth?
For years, psychologists have seen countless clients who found it easier to be rich than to be happy. Their wealth, of course, afforded them the opportunity to mask that unhappiness with expensive cars, lavish homes, luxury vacations, and gaudy jewelry. And, down deep inside the portals of their souls, most well-to-do people knew they were getting ripped off every time they bought another $10,000 diamond bauble. For a while, the glitter gave them a sense of 'happiness' in being able to tell the world, "Look what I can afford!" - and when the glitter waned, the jewelry was tucked away in a drawer only to be brought out on special occasions, or quickly replaced with a glitzier, gaudier gemstone that might provide another moment of happiness. Rich men collected ex-wives that glittered for a year or two and then were also tucked away in some out-of-the-way Tudor mansion off Ponce deLeon Bay where old 'trophy wives' went to die. A wealthy women would spend fortunes on cosmetic make-overs designed to keep her gigolo from moving on to something more glittering with bigger boobs.
"Self-made millionaires" worked at jobs they hated just to keep the money rolling in; battered wives stayed with philandering husbands, trading a life of comfort and privilege for the inconvenience of misery and gloom. Friendships started or ended based on the size of one's portfolio or real estate holdings. 'Happiness' in America had become so - plastic.
Determined to improvise a means of bringing true happiness to America's population, O.U.T.R.A.G.E. philosophers and social engineers tried desperately to bring meaning to "Equilateralism". If there was more equality, so the reasoning went, there would be less competitive clamoring for money, power and influence. The theory made for a great 'white paper', but trying to put it into some defining action plan proved exasperating. When composing the Declaration of Independence, America's founding fathers went through grueling periods of frustration. Surely, Lenin experienced periods of desolation as he tried to develop his concept of the proletariat and the establishment of a classless society based on the doctrines of Karl Marx. Hitler's "Mien Kaump" was certainly didn't flow effortlessly and quickly.
O.U.T.R.A.G.E. was, in effect, rewriting America's most important documents. Such valiant assignment called for unfettered

Svelte. Sleek. Sexy. Sensational. Stunning.
How else could one describe Jil Adams?
At 6:00 a.m. on Saturday, January 17, 2009, American television viewers awoke to a wonderment they'd never seen before. As the camera panned the elegant Canterbury Hotel ballroom filled with O.U.T.R.A.G.E. volunteers dressed 'to-the-nines' in formal gowns and tuxedos, a figure unfamiliar to most emerged as the room darkened and a spotlight drenched an American flag with bright white light. In front of the huge flag stood Jil Adams, making her first national television appearance as an official spokesperson for O.U.T.R.A.G.E.
Poured into a black evening gown saturated with red, white and blue sequins that seemed to shimmer like a billion stars in a black, inky sky, Jil looked - to borrow from the contemporary vernacular - "incredibly hot".
The slit running up the right side of the gown revealed long, lanky, luscious legs. The strapless dress accentuated the sheen and softness of her supple shoulders, over which her beautiful blonde hair cascaded like a golden waterfall. Her teeth sparkled like diamonds, surrounded by a very subtle mask of make-up, just enough to highlight the fabulous freshness and naturalness of her beaming smile.
And, of course the eyes- those boldacious blue sapphire eyes that gently teased her friends, warmly welcomed strangers, and stirred many a man's inner soul. Even if he could forget all about her body's flirtatious form; those bountiful, buxomly breasts; or her generous, genuine laughter, it would be those hauntingly aquamarine eyes that would leave a man enceinte with wanton desire. Just staring into those icy blue pools of libidinal liquid was enough to leverage a man's libido. Those eyes could hypnotize.
Still, all the ardent sex-kitten subterfuge immediately melted away as Jil's soporific style and hypnotic aura took over.
In the Jacqueline Bisset movie, 'Class', the famous actress portrayed a woman whose penchant for fun and frolic was sometimes reigned in by her obvious refinement. Jil, too, was a 'class-act' - a woman who knew how to let her hair down, but still hold her standards high. Erotic, exuberant sexuality aside, Jil's appearance in front of an international TV audience commanded respect, garnered intent attention, and provoked a profundity of heart-warming depth.
"Today we are here to mark one of the most momentous incidents in American history," she announced. "My colleagues and I have created this day-long event in memory of all those victims of the now-infamous O.U.T.R.A.G.E. 'Rebellion of '08' which took place one year ago today. What happened on January 17, 2008 appalled millions of us, devastated families, and created a new American revolution that marked a desperate turning point in our nation's history. While there are many that still disagree with the death and destruction O.U.T.R.A.G.E. inflicted upon this country, many more came to recognize that it was perhaps the only way to bring America back to a nation of civility, compassion, love, equality, integrity and gentleness. I hope you'll stay with us most of the day as we memorialize the victims of the worst mass-killings on American soil since the days of the Civil War. Like the compatriots in that great battle that divided our country between southern confederates and the northern alliances, the mayhem committed by members of a revolutionary group called O.U.T.R.A.G.E. strongly engaged bitter and decisive outrage among Americans. Fortunately, many millions of us came to understand what was done and why it had to be done. Our Presidential Triumverate has issued an official proclamation declaring every January 17th as a National Day of Memorial and Mourning in honor of all those who were killed by O.U.T.R.A.G.E. bombs. I want to thank all of those associates who voluntarily moved so expeditiously to create today's remembrance. My heartfelt appreciation goes out to Bob and Cher; Bobby and Lovey; Mike and Donna; Phil and Janie; Boo and Jo; John and Christine; Doc; Lynnette; Bobby; 'Hammy'; Lynn; Michelle; Ryan; Sally; Ron - and all the other dedicated people who joined together and made this day happen."
With that, the spotlight faded from Jil's forlorn face as she gently blew a kiss toward the camera. "God bless us all," she whispered as the camera now focused on the American flag that had served as her backdrop.
Out of camera-range, Jill barked, "Now get me out of this damn dress and find some comfortable working clothes! We've got a day full of memoirs to present to America!" Those gorgeous eyes were trickling tears; her laughter cracked with emotion; and the O.U.T.R.A.G.E. crew buckled down to orchestrate one of the most magnificent montages of interviews, film snippets and sound bites ever assembled for a television audience. From around the country came live 'remotes' in front of American Legion posts, VFW halls, community centers, churches, restaurants, private homes, playgrounds, cemeteries, bars, offices, military bases, gymnasiums, airports, libraries, city halls, and auditoriums. Newly-elected members of Congress would speak - as would many prominent members of the O.U.T.R.A.G.E. organization. Live telecasts from St. Kitts to Mount St. Helen's would memorialize the events of January 17, 2008 and honor the victims of that one-day American Revolution.
In four short days, Jil's crew of able assistants had accomplished what it sometimes took television networks months to do: it had produced, orchestrated, directed, edited, and aired a day-long "in memorium" that celebrated a new American rebirth.
Svelte. Sleek. Sexy. Sensational. Stunning.........and stupendous. As always, Jil got the job done...and, thanks to the tenacity of her terrific team, the job was done to perfection! By the time the program ended at midnight Saturday, Americans everywhere stood proud, saluted those who died, and celebrated those who would now bring America back to a greatness that it perhaps had never known before.

As the AROB group worked 'round the clock to present an appropriate memorial on Saturday, the O.U.T.R.A.G.E. "think tank" continued its work on establishing a new national "ism". Capitalism was traditionally defined as an economic system characterized by private or corporate ownership of capital goods, by investments determined in the private sector rather than by state control, and by prices, production and distribution of goods being determined mainly by a competitive free market.
Socialism was characteristically defined as an economic system advocating collective and/or governmental ownership as the means for production and distribution of goods. Communism virtually eliminated private enterprise; all goods were owned, produced and distributed by the state and available to all citizens as needed.
John McCain's newly-coined "Equilateralism" theory was, in effect, a blend of all three socioeconomic-political doctrines.
In almost every circumstance, communism had historically failed because it provided no motivation or incentive to excel. The U.S.S.R. had, perhaps, been the grandest modern experiment in totalitarian government. But the Marxism-Leninism theory which attempted to estabish a stateless society and all goods were distributed equitably was flawed because people became dependent upon the state for everything, As is the human condition, however, members of the Communist Party decided they were entitled to more as great leaders of this bawdy sociological experiment. Official card-bearing Communists received preferential treatment, which led to an imbalance in the economy.
Socialism, in some forms, worked better. It was basically a first phase of the Marxist society that served as a transistional between capitalism and communism. China was perhaps the greatest experimentation in socialism, but as its population mushroomed, the government was forced to introduce more capitalistic freedom in order to fuel necessary growth.
Capitalism, of course, was showcased in the United States as the epitome of successful governance. Let the free enterprise system flow, allow man to explore his wildest dreams of financial success, and everything will be beautiful. And for decades the American free market functioned wonderfully as entreprenuers flourished and government rarely intervened.
There was a definite separation between the state and the marketplace.
Then the 'feds' started to interfere. First, they forced auto manufacturers to install padded dashboards and seat belts. Then the 'feds' saw a need to regulate everything from the airline industry to the amount of sugar was added to a box of cereal. Post-World War II industrialists began to grease the palms of pathetic politicians who were only too happy to accommodate them with less restrictive - or more restrictive - legislation. Oh, to be sure, political corruption had been around for decades, but it became a way of life in the 1950's and grew into a political octopod whose tentacles sucked up cash, special favors and
long-term promises, causing public servants to become indebted to their corporate benefactors. The corporate benefactors, in return, were rewarded with government hand-outs, exclusive tax breaks and incentives, and convenient turns of the head when it became 'necessary' to avoid government-imposed restrictions. By the turn of the century, America's capitalism had turned into corrupt communitarinism wherein a small gang of organized thugs who called themselves 'wealthy elitists' could call all the shots. Capitalism had become a poisoned covey of communitarian collectivists intent on grabbing all the money, power and influence for themselves - to hell with the 'common' citizen.
In effect, nothing was substantively 'equal' anymore.
Money and power ruled. And if you had no money, you had no power.
"The people" on the lower rungs of the social-economic-political ladders had no money, no power, no influence anymore.
Could McCain's new vision of "Equilateralism" change that?
The O.U.T.R.A.G.E. 'think tanks" were still thinking it through.......
Meanwhile, television broadcasts all over the country started promoting a "special memorial event" to be aired, beginning at 6:00 a.m. Saturday, January 17, 2009, with live telecasts from hundreds of locations across the nation.

"Equilateralism" was a new concept, replacing the theories of "capitalism" and "socialism", and O.U.T.R.A.G.E. volunteers were busy trying to formulate this new idealogy into some basis for realistic implementation. Research and study of countless examples where not everything was 'equal' abounded. In the spring of 2004, a female pharmacist at WalMart was fired after asking to be be paid the same as her male colleagues. After ten years, she claimed she was fired because she asked to be paid the same, including an annual bonus given to male pharmacy managers for the giant retailer. WalMart gave her the bonus, then fired her two weeks later. After a three-year court battle, the woman won $1 million in compensatory damages and $1 million in punitive damages. Her attorney proclaimed, "It sends a message that you can't treat people poorly because of who they are." Inequality in the workforce had been an uncomfortable issue of contention for years in the U.S.A. as women traditionally earned 25-30% less doing the same jobs as men.
Of course, in many cultures around the world, women were treated as 'second class citizens', sometimes even subject to the law looking the other way as their husbands or boyfriends were 'legally' allowed to batter them, or even murder them without severe consequence. Even in the 'civilzed' United States of America, many men regarded their wives or girlfriends as property more than they valued them as equal partners within the relationship. And, of course, the men with the most machismo were fond of noting that the Declaration of Independence clearly stated that "all MEN are created equal...." and, there being no mention of 'women', such folly as women having the same rights as men was oblique and blatantly incorrect. Man's inherent dominance over women had been a 'fact of life' since the Roman Catholic Church proclaimed the missionary position as the only 'acceptable' form of coitus.
The Women's Lib movement, of course, fixed some of that arcahic thinking, just as the segregation movement changed the status of blacks in America. But, decades after those historic events, women and blacks were still often considered 'second class' or inferior to the almighty white man. As male chauvinists and white supremacists became more impotent, there was some shift seen; such sexism and racism was adamantly not acceptable in certain social circles. But, it was still a prevalent - if more subtle - practice among the rich upper-crust.
Poor black children, for the most part, still grew up to be poor black adults. Young girls with low self-esteem still grew up to be adult women who never thought very highly of themselves. And even now, in the beginning of the 21st century, such inequalities besieged America's social, political and economic circles. If a women became a successful entreprenuer, it was often assumed she 'slept her way to the top'. A powerful Congresswoman was usually considered a "mean bitch" without any ability for female compassion or softness. Women were still hired for bawdy bachelor parties and expected to be passed around as paltry pawns. Even in America's bars, female waitresses or bartenders were usually considered to be tramps or sluts instead of respected for the professionalism many of them exhibited while dealing with the most obnoxious drunken male whoredogs The U.S. government didn't even expect servers to be entitled to a minimum wage.
Inequality ran rampant through the U.S. workplace, among the social and political circles of the well-to-do, and even in many American households where the husband, or live-in boyfriend, was considered to be the head of the household even if he refused to work or contribute to the household income. Poor black ghetto children were expected to meet identical state-set education standards while sitting in run-down, dilapidated school buildings with inadequate facilities while their urban white counterparts had access to state-of-the-art technologies and modern, up-to-date classrooms. Rarely did a young black woman have a chance at anything more than a minimum-wage job where her employer knew she needed the money and couldn't afford to quit. So he intimidated her into working extra hours "off the clock"; manipulated her into doing personal errands for him as part of her 'job description; sometimes forced her into a sexual liaison she had no interest in; dominated her by inquiring as to her personal life; and violated sexual harrassment laws just because he knew she was too frightened and weak to report him to authorities. Inequality ran rampant through America, and "Equilateralism" seemed to be the new buzzword that might jumpstart a new mentality among a country that had been decimated by tragedy in the past year.
O.U.T.R.A.G.E. researchers and analysts kept working out a formal 'white paper' that would attempt to bring more equality to all Americans....and maybe to all Chinese people as well. One social scientist remarked that "men would be the biggest dissenters" because they would view this as having their power and dominance taken away. Another professor argued that the Declaration of Independence should be modified to unequivocally state that "all mankind is created equal..."
Millions of men who already relied on Viagra to maintain their manhood now faced further blows to their prized potency as McCain's "Equilateralism" concept started taking hold of that last bastion of manliness: power and control.

Christine and John - and Christine's 'girls' - were headed toward Indianapolis from Iowa in the three silver and gray stretch limousines. Not sure how they could help (and a little more unsure that the Canterbury Hotel would put them up), the 'girls' needed a rest from the ravenous, inexhaustible sexual appetites of those Double B farm hands. When they arrived Wednesday afternoon after an all-night drive, the stuffy hotel management welcomed them warmly, but sternly discouraged them from "doing business" while they were guests at the swankiest hotel in Indianapolis. "Oh, Don't worry," lauughed Christine, "that's why they're here...they need a break!" As she puffed smoke in the face of the pompous-ass manager, the red rose in his lapel wilted, kind of like a limp dick. "My girls would know how to perk that rose right up!" she bellowed, "but they're off duty this week. Sorry, Honey. But, what the hell, you probably couldn't afford my girls anyway." The manager's mustache twitched as he tried to work up a respectable smile; he turned sharply and walked away.
Meanwhile, John McCain's concept of "Equilateralism" was being heavily debated on the island of St. Kitts. Economic analysts, social scientists, political experts, and other notable professionals discussed the 'pros' and con's of "all sides being equal". In some views, it took away the very American idea of 'every man for himself' and ' may the best man win'. In others, it directly defined the very American ideal of "all men being created equal".
McCain intervened in the dialogue. "All I'm saying is that we need to put more emphasis on equality," he explained. "I used the example of the schools yesterday. If we're going to have public education, then why should such a program be defined by the wealth of a particular school district. Just because some rich residents of a township in the suburbs pays more taxes is no reason for their schools to be any better than the facilities in a ghetto community.
It goes further than that. Why can Congress extravagantly grant the military trillions of dollars to spend on war but for the past four years Congress has been arguing over spending a mere $50 million to provide health insurance for children of America's poorest families? I never wavered from my support for the war in Iraq; but I also have always believed that such things as education and health care are imperative to the well-being of our great nation."
Barack Obama entered the fray as O.U.T.R.A.G.E. volunteers looked on studiously. "On January 23, 2008, just six days after this O.U.T.R.A.G.E. organization's 'Rebellion of '08' caught the nation off guard and destroyed its elitist upper-crust, the first of twenty five resolutions were presented to the American public. The wordage was refined and formalized before these 25 resolutions became official referendums on which American voted - for or against - last November 4th. Those resolutions are now being turned into a new 'law of the land' and will be ratified by the new Congress after it is sworn in next Tuesday.
The whole reason Oppressed United Taxpayers Revolting Against Government Excess (O.U.T.R.A.G.E.) existed in the first place was because that secretive organization believed the only way to bring America back to its roots of freedom and equality was to start a second American Revolution. It used the most advanced, state-of-the-art technologies combined with hundreds of thousands of strategically-placed homemade bomb devices to literally blow away the hoity-toity, hotsy-totsey elements that had shoved our society off its very foundations. Gone are all the socialites, industrialists, corporate big whigs, politicians, media darlings, athletic superstars, movie stars, and muckey-mucks who thought their shit didn't stink. All those who believed they had the inaleinable right to wealth, power and influence in this country discovered, in the milli-second it took to detonate a cheap explosive device, that they, too, were vulnerable. Capitalism failed this nation as it allowed a relatively small handful achieve fabulous wealth; the failure came when those wealthy few turned into a small, tightly-knit club of snobbish greedheads who decided not to share their good fortune with the masses. Suddenly, you had to be an invited member of the Skull-and-Bones, the FreeMasons, or the Bilderberg Convention which gave you secret access to more power, more wealth and more influence. The rich got richer. The upper-middle-class kept trying to claw its way upward. The middle-class began to peter out, as their jobs were shipped overseas or eliminated for reasons of 'cost-efficiency', which was interpreted to mean there was more profit for the rich if a $19-an-hour U.S. job could be done for $3-an-hour in India. The lower-middle-class became the greater victims of this capitalistic maneuver. And, of course, the lower-class poverty-stricken paupers continued to stagnate in a cesspool where dreams were miniscule, hopes were dashed and initative taken away.
'Well,' the rich would argue, 'that's their own fault. Let them do what I did. I worked my up!' For every person who has achieved even a modicum of success, there is a hidden lucky charm that helped him get there. Take two black kids from the ghetto who received equally-mediocre educations and both had a talent for playing basketball. The one kid just happened to meet Michael Jordan when Jordan was touring a rundown Chicago tenement he was considering buying to convert into low-cost housing for poor black folks. The kid took advantage of that opportunity to talk with Jordan for three minutes, who gave him the number of a basketball scout and say, 'Michael sent me'. The other kid never got that kind of opportunity. Those three minutes made a stark and substantive difference in the lives of those two young boys. The kid that met Michael Jordan went on to play semi-pro ball and eventually became a coach. The other kid got into drugs, stole a car, and ended up in jail for the first twelve years of his adulthood. I know. I knew those two kids. That's why I believe John McCain's idea of 'Equilateralism' holds water.
Every so-called 'successful' person will eventually write a book about his or her own life, or grant an interview with some television commentator. And when (s)he's asked about how (s)he achieved such success, there will be inspiring words about hard work, putting your nose to the grindstone, tenacity, determination, fighting against all odds, and enduring the hardships.
Then, if you read or listen closely, they'll slip up and reveal the true secret to their success: they went to work in their grandfather's business; they inherited $10,000 when their father died at any unexpectedly young age; they drove a truck for an electric company and happened to pass by a record store where they recorded a song for their mom; they met a mentor that helped them land their first contract; they received a $75,000 buy-out when their employer eliminated their position; they were enjoying a Coke at Schwab's soda fountain when a talent scout approached them and predicted how they could become 'the next Marilyn Monroe'; a scheduled news anchor didn't show up, and they were the only one there to take his place; they borrowed $1,000 from their new bride and turned it into a billion-dollar business; their mother taught them the value of family and friendship, which brought them marital bliss; they won the lottery - twice. In almost every 'successful' person's life, there comes a component of 'luck'. That is not to diminish how they took advantage of their opportunity and created a successful life's story from it; but, I believe Mr. McCain's concept of 'Equilateralism' might be able to afford opportunities to more people, allowing more people to enjoy the fruits of 'success'. Then, the big challenge, of course, is to channel that 'success' so that our society doesn't end up in the same moral quicksand that brought us to this point in our history."
This was just the start of the discussions. And Colin Powell wanted to include the Chinese leadership in these talks! This was about more than just coining some catchy new new term. This was a challenge that meant changing the way the human psyche and the human thought processes worked. Mankind would have to learn to share...and countless wars have been fought over countless issues, all because mankind doesn't like to share. It's MY land.....MY citizenry.....MY god...MY country...
MY state....MY city.....MY housing development.....MY vacation home.....MY luxury car.....MY money......MY company.....MY
wife.....MY kids....MY mistress....MY....MY......MY.....
How would we ever get two massive land masses filled with two different cultures to SHARE a revolutionary idealism?

In 1941, during the Nazis occupation of Paris, the Gestapo reportedly visited Pablo Picasso's flat in the Left Bank. One of the 'secret' police noticed a postcard miniaturization of the famous artist's most famous work, "Guernica", which graphically depicts the Germans' obliteration of a small Basque village. The original painting was gigantic, depicting all the horrors of war, showing - in Piccaso's inimitable, gauche and gaudy style - dead babies, wounded soldiers and bombed-out villages. It was a classic portrayal of the immorality of war. The Nazi policeman demanded to know, "Was it you who did this?"
In his typically defiant manner and his intense eyes ablaze with hatred, Picasso spit, "No! It was you!"
Sixty-two years later, George W. Bush and those who actually controlled his Presidency, decided to attack Iraq. In fact, that one objective was in place from the very day Bush entered the Oval Office. His father, George H.W. Bush had been highly criticized, ridiculed and humiliated for 'not finishing the job' and ousting Hussein during Desert Storm in the early 1990's. Bush, Sr. had become a laughingstock; even Hussein had laughed in his face, and at one time threatened to assassinate the elder Mr. Bush. As are most wars, this unconstitutional, illegal, unjustifiable and immoral 'war' was started for very personal and highly emotional reasons (as well as Dick Cheney's coveting all that OIL swimming underneath Iraq's sands, and the giant U.S. military-industrial complex wanting to boost its sagging profits with a 'new' war). Wars among men are started for the silliest of reasons: often, those who start the wars wrap themselves in religion, or the flag, or both. George W. Bush was no exception. As a college cheerleader, he had learned all the sis-boom-bahs and rah-rah-rahs needed to 'pump 'em up'; he put on his best cheerleading costume, held up the American flag, and boldly pronounced that - with God's help, of course - we would vanquish the threat of a mysterious 'evil empire' that somehow loomed large in Iraq, a sovereign nation that in no way threatened, provoked or attacked the United States. But, it was easy to see how a simpleton like George W. Bush could easily be convinced that the events of 9-11 and Saddam Hussein were linked - and how it was up to him and the Bush team - to go in and erradicate all those weapons of mass destruction. By doing so, it would "keep America safe".
Bush was the perfect puppet for the job. His machismo and bravado served to mask his cowardice and his pusillanimous "little pecker syndrome". The pipsqueak was nothing more than a gutless wonder, whose privilege and family fortune had kept him out of harm's way throughout his spattered career of failure. It was the family money that bailed him out of one predicament after another. It was the family influence that allowed him to simply walk away from his military service without consequence. It was the family power that got him elected Governor of Texas and President of the United States. As POTUS, George W. Bush fancied himself a warrior, hellbent on 'getting even' with Hussein, and ready to put the lives of innocent Iraqi citizens and U.S. soldiers on the line to show the world what a 'tough guy' he was. Bush's massive ego more than made up for this small stature. One could only imagine Georgie Boy in bed with his wife, Laura, pronouncing, 'Honey, I'm gonna' make the earth move for ya' - I mean it!" And one could only imagine Laura's frustration when all the fanfare was reduced to limp, flaccid flesh in a matter of minutes. To stretch the imagination even further, one might picture George W. Bush lying back in his bed, hands clenched behind his head, puffing a cigar, pronouncing, 'Mission Accomplished!" when, in fact, it hadn't even got off to a good start.
O.U.T.R.A.G.E. had given Bush a taste of his own medicine. When its silent, secret members bombed the Capitol Building on the night of Bush's final "State of the Union" address, perhaps the most worthless President in the history of the United States finally realized the reality - and abject horror - of war.
Most Americans alive today have never had to experience the devastation and destruction that war brings to cities, nations and the human beings that live - and die - in them. Most modern Americans drove around in their brand-new Lexus SUVs that can parallel-park themselves, never having knowing what's it like to have a massive building implode on you; we've never felt the pangs of glass shards shooting into our torsos or watching the blood ooze from our soon-to-be- lifeless bodies, all because some unknown 'enemy' wanted to inflict his rage and hatred on us. Most of us don't know how it feels to have a bullet rip through our heart without the benefit of anesthetic morphine. For most of us, drugs are simply a way to
ease the pain of everyday life; a little gaunchey, a few prescription pain killers, or a couple belts of bourbon and we're good to go. As we view the 'reality of war' on our television screens, we fool ourselves into believing we can "feel the pain" of those soldiers and war victims who have just watched their own leg blown off, staring at the bloody stump as it lies in the middle of a dusty road within arm's length. But as we go to reach for it, we suddenly realize that the arm that just minutes before was attached to our right shoulder is also missing! All that's left is a protruding mass of bone, ligament, blood and dirt. How helpless - and hopeless - must it be to know, in that blink of an eye, that, as of right now, you can't walk back to your Humvee or won't be able to write your girlfriend a love letter tonight?
Any discomfort or pain that all of the O.U.T.R.A.G.E. bombing victims might have felt on that late afternoon of January 17, 2008 was probably not enough. In fact, most of the corrupt politicians; wealthy elitists; irresponsible entertainment, sports and media executives; and greedhead corporate officers probably felt very little pain. The O.U.T.R.A.G.E. bombs were most likely a blessing in disguise. Unlike the soldiers in the field who often suffer for hours or days before finally being drugged up enough to ease the pain, most of the O.U.T.R.A.G.E. bombing victims never knew what hit them. They were dead before the building collapsed around them. They were gone before the pain could inflict its presence on their bodies.
Colin Powell called Jil Adams on Tuesday, January 13: "I want the AROB group to plan a special nationwide program for January 17 to honor and memorialize all those killed by the O.U.T.R.A.G.E. bombs last year. I know it's short notice, but if anyone can pull this together, I'm sure your group can." Short notice?? Heck, Jil thought, we've got four whole days! She immediately called the rest of the AROB group. "Get on down here to Indianapolis," she ordered. "We've got work to do. I've already sent for Dana, Lynn, Michelle, Patrick, Lynn, Doc, Connie, Chris, and all the others. Bring 'Hot' Donna and Mike, Bobby and Lovee Boyles, Bobby Cowles, Boo and Jo Warren, and anyone else. Oh, by the way, Hooter said he's coming, too! I'll see you later on this afternoon!" Bob Ryan chugged down a beer; Ron Oetting stirred up a fresh pitcher of peapickers and Phil Baker downed a half-empty decanter of Dickel's. From all around the country, this group of O.U.T.R.A.G.E. 'special event planners' would converge on the Canterbury Hotel in Indianapolis and put together a memorial for all those its organization had assassinated just a year earlier.
O.U.T.R.A.G.E. had the resources, the manpower, the cash, and the talent to do things like this on practically a moment's notice. This 'party' would be a much more sobering event than all of Jil's others. In less than a year, she'd become the premier party planner of the U.S.A., motivating people and bringing joy to an-otherwise downhearted nation. This time it would take a monumentous effort to keep the spirits of O.U.T.R.A.G.E. volunteers up while honoring the very victims of their well-organized high-tech revolution. But, with her usual aplomb, Jil puffed on her cigarette, sipped on a scotch (yes, she'd started drinking scotch; it seemed to help her concentrate more) and went to work as her trusty associates began arriving in Indianapolis.

By Monday, January 12, 2009, most guests had left the Double B pig farm and things settled back into the normal routine. The Presidential Triumverate was on its way back to St. Kitts, each member on a separate O.U.T.R.A.G.E. plane with his own entourage of staff members (in the event of one plane crash, there would still be two surviving Presidents). Colin Powell, John McCain and Barack Obama were obsessed with China, and telecommunicated with each other during the flights.
"We've got a tiger by the tail," said Powell, "and we need to bring China into the loop. To deny that the Chinese are becoming a world super power is foolish." Economically, China had emerged as the fastest-growing consumer market in the world. In the cellphone industry alone, China's demand had creted an explosive growth market that had attracted millions of investors, including hundreds of thousands of American speculators. Ahron Bronfman, publisher of Growth Stock Guru on the Internet had made some bold statements in the early years of the 21st century which were proving to be right on target. "In China," he wrote at www.growthstockguru.com, "the telecom boom is just beginning - and it will be the biggest boom in history!" His newsletter predicted that over 600 million Chinese would subscribe to mobile communications services by 2010 - 44% of China's total population. In 2006, Chinese users sent almost 240 billion text messages, a 47% increase over 2005. "Don't let underperforming U.S. markets keep you from achieving chartbusting returns," Bronfman warned, "Fuel your portfolio for explosive growth....in the hottest sector of the hottest economy on the planet...a future $336 billion market, growing three times faster than the Chinese economy!" At www.GuangzhouGlobalTelecom.com (GZGT), Bronfman's clients were encouraged to "diversify your portfolio with emerging sectors and gain exposure to a hot Chinese company that trades on the U.S. stock market". China was about to become the largest cellular communications market in the world, and Bronfman's clients were notified of a projected 500% in revenue growth by 2009. Panasonic, Motorola, LG, Nokia, China Mobile, China Unicom and China Telecom had all formed a telecommunications partnership that would dwarf the American and European cellular markets. Bronfman picked GZGT as the one stock in which to invest above all others, worldwide. "Their emergence just in this one industry is astonishing," Powell said. "We can't ignore the vastness of this powerful new market, especially since our own American markets are in turmoil."
Obama posed a different perspecitve. "China also has its problems," he advised, "environmentally and socially. Just in the past two years, China's two largest lakes have been plagued with toxic algae that destroy fish and plant life, and has threatened to wipe out entire villages. Lake Taihu's pollution was so bad it forced residents in nearby Wuxi City in Jiangsu province to turn off its tap water supplies due to the horrendous contamination. Chaohi Lake in neighboring Anhui province has seen over 15 square miles of its surface covered with green slime. Officials candidly admit that 70% of China's waterways and 90% of its underground water supplies are polluted. Just last year authorities ordered towns around Lake Taihu to shut down all polluting factories and meet new water emission standardsby the end of June, 2008. As of today - seven months after that deadline - they've been unable to control the algae. It's just one environmental crisis facing that nation, and they're crises are far greater than even the United States' environmental issues. I believe this gives us a doorway into developing cooperative efforts with the Chinese that will help rebuild America's economy and solving China's pollution problems as we work together for a mutual good."
McCain added his two cents' worth when he said, "O.U.T.R.A.G.E. has all along focused on more equality in our own country. We have decried the pros and cons of capitalism, rejected the idea of socialism, but -at the same time - wrestled with how to establish a true democracy which is ruled by the people, of the people, and for the people. We want to create a more equal playing field for all Americans so that the rich don't keep on getting richer and the poor continue to stagnate in their pool of poverty. China has the very same set of problems. There are overnight billionaires creeping into its society; yet there are still millions of people moving into the cities in search of a better life, who end up working at menail jobs for forty cents an hour.
China is right now going through what America went through at the turn of the last century: millions of people struggled to stay solvent while the Rockefellers, the Carnegies and the Vanderbilts got filthy rich off the sweat of those 'common' people's brows. In America, the Great Depression brought it all to an end, and - for a few years - we all worked together toward a better national prosperity. Then we suffered through a World War that kept us united as a nation. It was only after the War was over that we got fat and lazy. We started 'looking out for #1' without caring about those poor souls on the lower rungs of society's ladder. We carelessly rejected the idea that we should give any regard to our environment, and polluted like pigs in a mud-filled pen. We forgot about being compassionate toward those of lesser fortune, and focused on our own gluttony until - by 2003 - we were ripe with audacity and ready to attack another sovereign nation that in no way threatened, provoked or attacked the United States, all because we wanted the money that nation's huge oil reserves could bring us. I don't see China as any different: just a half-century behind America. As its society becomes more cosmopolitan, the economy will afford more luxuries to a greater pool of people. Just as Japanese today are destroying the ocean's inventory of sushi because they're willing - and able - to pay $90 a plate for the delicacy; just as Americans squander billions of barrels of oil just to feed their hunger for gas-guzzling SUVs; so will the Chinese people find their own obsessions. Soon a well-to-do middle-class of Chinese consumers will be demanding more seafood to fill their bellies, more oil to fuel their cars, and more poor people to provide subservient labor. The Chinese rich will get richer; the rest of the country will fold into a semi-comfortable middle-class society that will find it more and more difficult to survive paycheck-to-paycheck. And those who are above that fray - those who earn even a little bit more than the verage worker - will concern themselves only with themselves, unwilling to part with their million-yen portfolios just as we Americans don't want to errode our own million-dollar fortunes in order to help America's hungry, sick, elderly, disabled, underprivileged, disadvantaged, poor, unemployed and homeless.
I propose that we encourage China to join us in abandoning the use of the terms "socialism" or "capitalism" and begin to build on a new vision of what I would call 'Equilateralism'. Of course, it has to be more than just a catchphrase; it must entail a vivid new commitment on behalf of the two greatest nations on Earth - to ensure that all of their citizens are afforded truly equal opportunity. No more distinction between 'rich' school districts where the high schools have Olympic-size swimming pools and state-of-the-art classroom while 'poor' school districts suffer broken windows and overcrowded classrooms. We have to find a way to 'equalize' everything. Bring uniformity and consistency to our societies so that everyone has the same kind of chance for success and prosperity. True, some people will still utilize their opportunities to the best of their abilities while others will not take such lucrative advantage. But we all should be able to start out on an equal playing field. For too many years, that hasn't happened in America, and it's not happening in China. We can no longer afford to allow the most wealthy, powerful and influential people of either country hold all the best cards. I think we need to move both countries toward a new dream of 'Equailateralism'."
By the time all three Presidents had their say, the planes had all landed safely in St. Kitts and

The Double B Pig Farm Pre-Inaugural Hog Roast Festival continued well into the evening on Saturday, then started up again early Sunday morning. As more than three hundred invited guests enjoyed Baker's hog roast, there was also serious debate on a variety of issues. Global warming, of course, was one of them. The delicate matter of making recycling mandatory was addressed, and there was some concern that Americans might not welcome such restrictions. One newly-elected Senator from Maine asked bluntly, "If I waste electricity, water and gasoline - and I don't recycle - does that make me an evil man?"
Ron Oetting, the consummate recycling fanatic, jumped up, spilled his pitcher of peapickers, and loudly proclaimed, "It might not make you evil, but it sure as hell makes you less of a man!" Oetting composed himself, and then spoke in more deliberate tones as he began his diatribe. "Nature gave us dominion over all things on Earth - and for you to believe that gives you the right to squander such bounty is the epitome of sheer avarice. There exists a delicate, fragile ecological balance between all men, plants and animals, necessary for our very survival on this planet. By wasting water, gasoline and electricity - or by refusing to REduce, REuse, and REcycle, you not only show your ignorance, but also your incredible selfishness. Man's arrogance and greed has all but destroyed our valuable rain forests, oceans, great plains, mangrove forests, atmosphere, jungles, polar regions, and coastlines. We have been responsible for the near-extinction of countless species, from insects to elephants, all of whom have just as much right to this good Earth's resources as we do. And the really sad fact is that those animals and plants have traditionally conserved, preserved and protected the environment while man is the only creature that intentionally squanders such resources for his own pleasure or profit.
If you don't think that the ignoble tsetse fly has a purpose on this planet, think again. Many insects provide the natural ingredients necessary for vaccines and medicine, health and beauty products, and flavorings that we humans use everyday. If you believe the melting of the polar ice caps will only affect a few isolated Eskimo tribes and a few thousand remaining polar bears, think again. As those ice caps melt and water levels rise, we will see phenomenal flooding, hurricanes and weather conditions unlike anything this good Earth has ever experienced since the days of Noah's ark. If you think ducks, deer, elephants, pheasants, buffalo and squirrels are something to shoot just for the sport of it, think again: all of those animals are creatures of our universe and serve a purpose on Earth. If you think you can continue to fill up landfills with your trash, discarded water bottles, plastic containers, paper, telephone books, used cooking oil, old magazines, styrofoam cups, glass jars and cardboard boxes, think again. That shit isn't easily biodegradable. It takes years, sometimes centuries for it to decompose and return to the soil. Eventually, all those landfills will leach, and toxic poisons will enter our water tables and pollute our air. And when your beautiful little great-grandchild bounces on your knee and asks, 'Gee, Grandpa, why didn't you do more to protect the environment so I wouldn't have to wear gas masks to breathe fresh, clean air?' - how are you going to answer her??? We have broken the ecological beauty and solace of this world, my friends. It's up to us to fix it."

Bob Ryan stepped up to the microphones and peered into the TV camera. "OK. Oetting," he remarked casually, "it's time for you to stop preaching and let me give my sermon." He pulled a few sheets of paper from his jacket pocket, put on his reading glasses, and began somberly, stopping occasionally to sip on his always-present can of ice cold beer. "In 1916," he began, "Mark Twain wrote a book called 'The Mysterious Stranger'. In chapter nine, this is what Twain wrote:
'Next the statesmen will invent cheap lies, putting the blame upon the nation that is attacked, and every man will be glad of those conscience-soothing falsities, and will diligently study them, and refuse to examine any refutations of them, and thus, he will, by and by, convince himself that the war is just and will thank God for the better sleep he enjoys after this process of grotesque self-deception.' Ninety-some years ago Twain envIsioned what has happened in this first decade of the 21st century. Our self-centeredness, greed, gluttony and selfishness had grown into a national obsession, which - in turn- finally allowed us to elect the worst President in U.S. history who assembled an administration of miscreants intent on plunder for reasons of personal emotion and pure profit. The most arrogant, incompetent, contemptible, cowardly, corrupt Republican-led Congress in U.S. history turned its back while George W. Bush and his gang of political thugs ran rip shod over the U.S. Constitution, took the law into their own hands, and violated America's honor and integrity. The Bush family had a personal vendetta against Saddam Hussein ever since the days of Desert Storm when George H.W. Bush was criticixed, ridiculed and humiliated for 'not finishing the job' and ousting Hussein at that time.
Dick Cheney and his Exxon-Mobil buddies wanted all that OIL swimming underneath Iraq's sands so they could richer and richer and richer feeding America's addiction to cheap, easily-accessible foreign OIL instead of developing new, cheaper - and less profitable - alternative fuels, or encouraging motorists to drive less, or forcing automobile manufacturers to build smaller, more fuel-efficient cars.
Finally, the giant U.S. military-industrial complex learned how profitable 'war' could be during World War II. So, all the politicians were bought up, pricey lobbyists were hired, and special interest groups were formed to encourage and promote more 'war'. Thus, the U.S.A. became engaged in the Korean Conflict; the Cuban Missile Crisis; the Cold War; Vietnam; and Desert Storm. A 'new' war was necessary to boost the profits of government contractors such as McDonnell-Douglass, Sikorsky and Lockheed-Martin, not to mention those two 'newcomers' to the government money trough: the Carlyle Group and Halliburton, both of whom had direct ties to the Bush-Cheney White House. The Carlyle Group and Halliburton were given juicy government contracts without the 'inconvenience' of a bidding process. Both companies made billions of dollars in profits as American taxpayers continued to be mired with trillions of dollars of 'war' debt. Oppressed United Taxpayers Revolting Against Government Excess did what it felt it had to do: it planned, executed and implemented a second American revolution, and - with high-tech expediencey - it assassinated the President and Vice-President of the United States; most of the 535 members of a corrupt, arrogant, self-absorbed U.S. Congress that no longer felt any duty or obligation to American voters; and almost all bureaucratic staff members of the President's administration and his cabinet. But O.U.T.R.A.G.E. went further than that, knowing that if it didn't also destroy the toxic poison of the socialites behind the government facade, they would only use their wealth, power and influence to establish a new order and retain their grip on American politics, social structure, economics and corporate power. Capitalism in democratic republic is a good thing - to a point, after which the tenuous tentacles of edaciousness sets in and those with the most decide they need more than most. The unconstitutional, illegal, unjustifiable, unforgivable, immoral 'war' in Iraq was the straw that broke the camel's back. It took the American public six years to overcome their gullibility, but they finally recognized that the 'war in Iraq' was about nothing other than OIL and WAR PROFITEERING for a handful of billionaires who simply coveted more money, more power, and more influence.
O.U.T.R.A.G.E. put a stop to the financial rape and pillage. At first, many American citizens were appalled and afraid; but, now tens of millions have joined the O.U.T.R.A.G.E. movement and embraced what it did as 'necessary'. To be sure, it was peccant and brutal; but David could not simply 'wound' Goliath. The giant had to be killed. To recapture the American spirit of kindness, love, compassion, generosity and equality, it was necessary to rid the country of those whose wealth and power influenced America in grotesque and demented ways. This newly-elected batch of public servants pledged to avoid even the appearance of impropriety as they ran for office. A week from next Tuesday, on January 20, 2009, these people will be sworn in and will promise before God and the American public to serve the people - not squander for their own personal gain.
All I can say is....Godspeed!"

Saturday, January 10, 2009 was a busy day as snow-covered O.U.T.R.A.G.E. vehicles shuttled back and forth between the Baker's pig farm near Story City, Iowa and the DesMoines airport where O.U.T.R.A.G.E. planes were landing, delivering many of the newly-elected Congressional candidates. By mid-morning, despite a squall of snow flurries that suddenly appeared out of nowhere, the Double B pig farm was bustling with activity. Television cameras were recording impromptu interviews with the newly-elected personalities, many of whom were virtually unknown except in their immediate communities.
A lot of ground needed to be covered, but no one was prepared for what happened at precisely 10:00 a.m. Phil Baker's "next-door neighbor", the man who owned the dairy farm a few miles down the road, came to the party accompanied by a huge herd of his dairy cows! It seems Baker had wandered over for 'visit' yesterday, had a few too many Rum & Diets, and then recruited his neighbor to help with a visual demonstration for Baker's guests. Baker knew that one of the topics on the agenda would be the environment, global warming, and the depletion of the ozone layer. Always the eternal optimist, Baker had been disgruntled over what he considered "overkill" on the subject; he simply didn't believe that global warming was so big a deal. To visually demonstrate his argument, he'd arranged for the dairy farmer to feed his cows a gaseous 'breakfast' of hay mixed with refried beans, an especially-spicey salsa, and some curdled cheese and sour milk the drunken dairy farmer hadn't yet thrown out. With TV cameras rolling, Baker directed the cows to an enclosed outbuilding that had been vacant and unused for a number of years. Then Baker began with a televised tirade to America:
"Folks," he said, "the United Nations issued a report not too long ago that claimed livestock is more responsible for global warming than all the smoke-belching factories and vehicle emissions produced by man. The UN's Food & Agriculture Organization has determined that 30% of the planet's land area is taken up by the world's 1,500,000,000 cattle; another trillion-and-a-half sheep; about a billion pigs; and 20 billion chickens! As farmers continue to clear more land so that their animals can graze, deforestation occurs. So all these idiot tree huggers can stop blaming Earth's 6 billion human beings for the ill-effects of global warming. It's all these damn animals!! Methane emissions are a natural bi-product of these bovine's digestion......now, to be sure, most cattle don't eat beans and cheese as part of their normal diet, but - even so - the nitrogen in their manure can account for almost 20% of the global warming affect! The United Nations claims methane from cattle is twenty times more damaging than a similar amount of carbon dioxide. So aren't we being a little overreactive when we blame man and his vehicle emissions when a preponderance of the problem causing global warming comes from methane emission?? With the help of my esteemed neighbor, who voluntarily has allowed the use of a small herd of his cows, I wish to conduct a biological experiment here today, These cows have been 'primed' for this experiment with a diet specifically intended to increase their flatulence. I know what happens when I eat beans and cheese...I can only imagine what's going to happen when a hundred cows 'let loose' inside this empty building! After about an hour, the dairy farmer took his cows back home. Baker opened the small side door and 'took a whif' of what even he had to describe as the 'most repugnant aroma I've ever had go up my nostrils'. The odorifereous blend of hay, refried beans, salsa, sour milk and curdled cheese filled the small building, Baker tossed a lighted flare into the building and - WHOOOOM! - a mushroom cloud of gas formed in the cold Iowa atmosphere as the building collapsed in flames. To observers' astonishment, the cloud of stink lingered for a while, but soon began to dissipate into the air. The burning building was quickly reduced to a pile of ash as farm hands extinguished the flames. "All I've got to say," pronounced Baker with a slight smirk on his face, "is that if we can find a way to harness cow farts, we might be able to dramatically minimize the effects of global warming on our Earth and might - at the same time - develop a whole new form of energy! So I'm challenging anyone out there to find a way to bottle up all this stench and turn it into something good for America - and the world! I personally will offer a $50,000 cash prize to the first person who comes up with a viable, reliable, efficient, and practical way to capture this natural source of energy!" With that, Baker slowly turned around while still speaking. As he said, "Hell, who knows? If we can invent something that works for cow farts, maybe we can even create a way to bottle up all the human flatulence that gets blown out into the atmosphere every single day!" Two things then happened in a blur: "Hammy" showed up out of nowhere and planted himself next to Baker. In an instant, both men - laughing so ahrd they could hardly stand up - dropped their drawers, mooned the television audience and let rip with a symphony of unpleasant, fragrant, inflated flatulence.
Janie looked on in horror, and her fuming from yesterday boiled over again. "So THAT'S where he was all day yesterday? While the rest of us worked our butts off, Phil was planning this little fart-fest!" Her rage mixed with wonderment as she asked herself, "Does he realize this was on international television??" Hammy and Phil were rolling on the ground, trying to get their pants pulled up, but laughing so hard, unidentified fluids were coming out of their noses and drool ran from their mouths down their chins. Finally, Hammy composed himself enough to stand up, buckle his pants, and peer into the cameras. "YEAAAAAAH!! What's up, my brothas??" He helped Phil assume an upright stance, and then the two of them turned stone-sober to the cameras and said, "We know this was a little outlandish, and perhaps offensive to some...but we wanted this celebration to start off 'with a bang'.....America has been through a lot in the past year. We're going to see significant changes in the way our social, economic and political venues are managed. To those whom we offended, we apologize. To those who realize the point we were trying to make, we urge you to join us in a new quest for America. We must focus on our environment; we must bring peace and harmony to all the world; we must rebuild our nation. And we can't do it if we're down in the dumps and feeling sorry for ourselves. We can do it and have fun doing it, regardless of the tragic circumstances that caused this country's collapse. The celebration you'll witness this weekend will introduce you to our new political leadership. You will begin to see what's going to happen after these people are officially installed next week. While we will expect to see outstanding and serious changes in the way our American spirit revitalizes itself, we should also expect to watch as our gregarious American sense of good humor and happiness remains at an all-time high. We are in the midsts of the 'Great Depression II'; we are in the throes of social. economic and political upheaval. This is no time for us to lose our good nature and our love of laughter." With that, Phil inadvertently let another one rip.....and the cameras faded to black.

Bobby Boyles was fuming: he was overwhelmed with work trying to get the Baker pig farm ready for tomorrow's festivities, and Lovey had cracked her collarbone (this was the second time; she'd also cracked in in June, 2007) and he needed to take care of her. Bobby Cowles was fuming: his farm crew needed to be tending to the prize pigs, not preparing for another damn party. Mike Osborn was fuming: he thought he and "Hot Donna" were going to get away for the weekend, but now those plans were changed because of Phil Baker's hog roast. Boo and Jo Warren were fuming: just because everybody else was. Janie Baker was fuming: she had all this work to do and Phil was no where to be found. "If he's out on the edge of the ranch burning down another barn with two of Christine's hussies," Janie mused, "he's........" Her thoughts were interrupted when a cavalcade of lime-green O.U.T.R.A.G.E. vehicles pulled up infront of the main house, where the Bakers lived. "Janie!" yelled Jil, "We've come to help get ready for tomorrow's party!" From three buses and two motorhomes poured a hoard of helpers!
Behind Jil's sunshiney smile came Lynn, Connie, Chris, Michelle, Kathy, Sally, Suzan, Clem, Linda, Larry, Ryan, and a whole bunch of 'newcomers': Bruce, Shorty, Hooter, L.Z., and about twenty other 'regulars' from Jilli's Pub had driven all night all the way from Indiana, just to get to Iowa and help. Bob Ryan clambered out of the second bus holding an ice cold beer in one hand while trying to steady himself with the other. Cher was right behind him, halfway holding him up. Then Ron Oetting stumbled from the bus hanging on to a pitcher of peapickers as if they were his only lifeline. The two motorhomes were filled with about eight other 'newcomers' who had drunkenly agreed to accompany the convoy to Iowa without any real reason other than they'd been in the bar at the time everyone was boarding. Janie immediately began to delegate: some of them were assigned "telephone duty", calling to invite people to the party who hadn't yet responded to their e-mail invitations. Others were 'traffic coordinators' who designated pick-up points where invited guests could meet O.U.T.R.A.G.E. buses or planes enroute to Iowa. Still others were assigned to help with the decorations, food preparation, set-up, or countless other duties necessary to ensure the success of this blow-out. "We can't wait to get this party started," Jil exclaimed with her usual bubbly confidence. "We brought the buses and motorhomes instead of the planes 'cause it was easier to load up all the supplies we needed! By the way, where's Phil?" That one five-word question started Janie fuming. There seemed to be so much fuming going on in the middle of Iowa that it could result in a whole new setback for the global warming issue. Nonetheless, everyone pitched in and went to work. By Friday evening, everything was running smoothly and most of the work was done. Phil suddenly reappeared without explanation or apology, and opened the bar and hour earlier than its normal 9:00 p.m.
O.U.T.R.A.G.E. planes would begin arriving in Des Moines as early as 6:00 a.m. Saturday; drivers would use O.U.T.R.A.G.E. cars to pick people up at the airport and deliver them to the Double B pig farm. Colin Powell, Barack Obama, and John McCain, who had just left the compound with the Chinese delegations, would be shuttled back to Story City late Saturday afternoon.
In spite of all the fuming from disgruntled Double B staffers, everything was ready. Tomorrow would be a celebration of the 'new' United States of America and its new political leadership. As always, O.U.T.R.A.G.E. television crews were there to broadcast the entire event to the nation, allowing every voter and taxpayer to see and hear everything their newly-elected leaders had to say. "This is going to be the best of the best," Jil noted. "Of all the celebrations we've planned over these past few months, I think this one will be the most significant! America needs to celebrate....we've got lots to overcome. The loss of many of our most prominent citizens; the loss of millions of earthquake and hurricane victims; the rebuidling and restoration of our cities and communities; the election of a whole new body of leadership. I'd like to propose a toast; 'here's to the great American spirit, and to all of those who have brought this great nation back from the brink of extinction!'" Everyone lifted their glasses; most stood up and saluted the large American flag draped behind the bar. Tomorrow would be a great day!

The Chinese delegations left Iowa with a positive grasp on some of the world's most important priorities. O.U.T.R.A.G.E. officials believed that these discussions had been productive and useful. Many of the newly-elected members of Congress, who would be inducted on January 20, were impressed with what they considered progress on various fronts.
Perhaps the only one who wasn't all that happy about the outcome was Phil Baker, proprietor of the Double B pig farm where the talks had taken place. He had planned for a hog roast to end all hog roasts. But, because the talks became so intense, delegates had instead chosen to forego the festivities and focus on more exhaustive dialogue over the issues at hand. "What the hell am I going to do with all this pork?" Phil lamented to his wife, Janie. "Yeah, we could freeze it, but this pork is only at its very best when it's fresh and prime. I think we need to throw a party!" Janie balked, citing all the preparations that would have to be made. Mike and Donna balked; they weren't even done cleaning up from this most recent event that had just ended. Bob Cowles balked: "my guys have a pig farm to run, for God's sakes! We can't be distracted with all your damn parties!" Bobby and Lovee balked: "Are you out of your friggin' mind? Are you aware how much work this takes?" Boo and Jo balked: they were planning a weekend trip to the casino upstate.
Undeterred, Phil called the rest of the AROB group: Adams, Ryan and Oetting. They all agreed it would be a great way to get all of the new elected officials together just prior to being sworn in. It could be a social gathering with an underlying cause' celebre' of once again reinforcing the O.U.T.R.A.G.E. principles just before these new public officials took the oath of office.
"Let the plans begin!" wailed Baker. His gregariousness sparked something in the Double B crew; they started planning another impromptu gathering that would attract at least a couple of hundred people.

Exactly one year ago today I started writing this "Bushwacker!" blog. This is the 275th 'post', and - frankly - I don't know where or when the last chapter of this fictional social-political-comedic, amateurish, episodic epistle might be written. It has been a grand experiment for me; something that has given me a certain sense of personal accomplishment, broadened my horizons and helped me rage about what I consider to be a global society out of control.
So, as Chinese and American officials continue their dialogue at the Double B pig farm near Story City, Iowa, search-and-rescue teams continue to clean up the aftermath of mass bombings and exhaustive natural disasters, a new national organization attempts to revamp a monopolistic and heavily corrupted two-party American political system, I will take this opportunity to 'vent' and make note of things I personally don't grasp.
First of all, I want to thank all those people who have taken an interest in this project. Comments from friends that I share 'barstool space' with have often been my inspiration for the next daily chapter. Remarks from people around the world with whom I have only a remote and mysterious Internet connection have been appreciated, even the less-than complimentary observations. Quite frankly, I'm surprised the Secret Service hasn't come knocking on my door, threatening me with some kind of law enforcement action on the part of the "thought police", or telling me to 'cease and desist' or risk incarceration on some trumped-up charge of endangering the witless, wasted jackasses that supposedly manage this nation. Certainly I can think of several personal enemies who would love to get their revenge - their 'pound of flesh' - by reporting my sinister publishing activities to the authorities (Greg, Bill, Jayne or Bill quickly come to mind - but there are many others, I'm sure).

I fail to understand why more of us don't take an intense interest in our government and its unscrupulous leadership. If asked, most of us can confirm how many times Britney Spears has entered rehab; recite the 'stats' of our favorite sports star; recall the names of each one of the 'Desperate Housewives' and their mates; or garble on about the buxom beauty or stealthy stud we almost bedded last night. But, if the rare question were ever to be asked, few of us would know who our elected Congressional representatives are, and whether they are members of the House or the Senate. Most of us will flippantly respond with, "I don't care" or "It makes no difference".....yet we will perch ourselves on our lofty bar stools and bitch to high heaven about the laws, regulations, taxes and controls our so-called moronic 'leaders' have imposed on us all.

It's odd that the chapters of this blog that attract the most readership are the most juvenile, inconsequential, and dripping with sexual overtones. One acquaintance explained to me that "it's just human nature". But I wonder if our early American colonists who were involved in the fight of their lives trying to establish a new nation "under God" with "liberty and justice for all" were so preoccupied with the sensational? Is this a media phenomenon? Movie goers were shocked when Clark Gable uttered those immortal words on the screen: "Frankly, my dead, I don't give a damn." And from then on, every movie, book, or television program tried to 'up the ante' until - today - courts are actually investing valuable jurist minds and costly legal time to decide which expletives must remain deleted and which vulgarities can freely be pronounced over the airwaves!

Why do local municipalities squander valuable time and money to pass - and enforce - nonsensical legislation. We can smoke - but only if we're eight feet away from the entrance to a public building. Private and semi-private rooms in nursing homes, where many patients suffer from lung cancer or emphysema - are EXEMPT from many local smoking bans! And the politicians all smugly, pompously claim their concern is the public's health!! If cigarettes are such evil purveyors of public illnesses, why not BAN the manufacture, sale and distribution of cigarettes?? MIGHT it have something to do with the billions of dollars in tax revenues local, state and federal governments continue to steal from the manufacture, sale and distribution of these cancer sticks??

Seat belt laws are another area of my contention. Government officials are adamant about "saving lives" by forcing us all to wear a contraption that actually locks us into a one-ton mass of metal. I've had two very personal experiences: my mother was in an auto accident where she wasn't wearing a seat belt. Fortunately, the impact of the crash threw her into the driver's compartment of the car; she still broke every bone in her body below her waist, and doctors initially predicted she would never walk again. Accident investigators at the scene admitted that - had my mother been wearing a seat belt - she would have been killed. In May, 1984, my sister was driving while her husband slept. She was wearing a seat belt; he wasn't When her car swerved to avoid a dead animal in the roadway, she lost control and her car tumbled down a steep embankement. Her husband was thrown free as the car was tossed around like a rag doll. My sister, because she was locked in place by a seat belt, was unable to be thrown free. As the car rolled to a stop, its roof caved in, crushing my sister to death. "Oh," police respond, "but statistics show that seat belts save lives!" Police run "click it or ticket" campaigns with federally-provided 'grants' and we're told they issue tickets to "save lives" - when we all know they issue tickets to enhance government coffers.
And - the 'granddaddy' of all idiotic seat belt regulations: if you drive a car, an SUV, a pick-up truck or virtually any other kind of vehicle, you are required by law to 'buckle up' (to protect your life). But, in most states, the SCHOOL BUS your child rides is not required to have seatbelts! So, if a school bus rolls down an embankment, your kids get tossed around like popcorn kernels in a microwaveable bag - and if they die, politicians will say, "Well, it would be too costly to expect school districts to equip their buses with seat belts." The horror..............

It frustrates me that a "sixty-something" healthy person who wants to work can't find a job because (s)he's considered "too old" or "overqualified" while younger ne'er-do-wells are able to sit on their fat asses and collect a government check for doing nothing.

It makes no sense to me that farmers are paid to grow nothing on their rich, fertile land. As one farmer said, "I used to not grown corn, but I found out the government pays more if you don't grow soybeans. So now I don't grow soybeans!" What kind of stupidity is this?? And why does the majority of all these billions of dollars in subsidies go to giant diversified agricultural corporations who reap billions of dollars in profits, instead of small independent farmers who struggle to make ends meet?

Anyway, readers, you get my point. The oddities and inconsistencies of government has created a bloated bureaucracy that pays no attention to common sense. Like my Congressman Mark Sauder once told me, "There are so many laws today - if you obey one law, you're probably breaking three or four other laws." I thought this was one of the truest statements I'd ever heard from the mouth of a career politician (a politician, by the way, who promised to limit his terms in Congress, and then reneged on that promise once he became accustomed to the plush, cushy lifestyles our politicians give themselves).

By the end of today - Wednesday, January 7, 2009 - the Chinese visitors to the Bakers' pig farm will be on their way back to China. The lime-green O.U.T.R.A.G.E. buses will be back on the road to destinations unknown, preparing Americans for the swearing-in of a brand new group of public officials in thirteen days. The AROB group will continue its 'party parade' of special events and recognitions designed to motivate the nation. The Patrick-Patrick team will keep its focus on a mission to legalize drugs. "Doc" will still be roaming the countryside seeking legalization for gaming devices and voluntary smoking bans as part of a free enterprise system. "Hot Donna" and Mike will still be running Phil and Janie's pig farm with able assistance from Bobby and Lovey, Boo and Jo, and Bobby. Lynn, Michelle, Connie, Suzan, Cathy, Sally and a whole bunch of other barflys from Jil's flagship establishment will all continue doing their shares. And the world as it is fantasized about in this "Bushwacker!" blog will keep spinning without direction or - as the book reviewers would say -